Twisted Tails
by Jodeh
Summary: Have you ever come to a moment in your life where you're screwed no matter what? That's where we are now. Just because we, well I, wanted a pet or two or three. Guess that's what I get for adopting cats from a shady friend. The best thing to do now is just go with the flow, and hope for the best. "What're you gonna do? Stab me?"
1. A Harmless Idea

It was mid-morning on a soon to be sunny afternoon. At the moment, only one of two residents of the home were present. Her name was Dee. She was 18 and had just started college, being lucky enough to move in with her high school friend until she could get her own place.

Dee was a fairly chubby blonde. Despite her thickness, she was actually pretty damn athletic. Her hair was currently french braided to keep it out of her way. Her eyes were a dark green and she had freckles sprinkled across her shoulders and face.

Around the usual time, the other resident of the house arrived home for work. Her name was Ara, and she was the older of the two being 20. Her dark brown hair was parted down the middle and in tight curls that were streaked with blue, as she preferred to wear it natural. She was short, barely reaching 5'2 and skinny. She had tanned skin and gray eyes that sparked with excitement.

"Ayyyye!" Ara squealed with glee as she waved a check in the air. Dee, looked up from her magazine.

"What's got you so pumped?" Dee asked.

"I got a bonus!" Ara did a little dance. "Do you know what this fucking means?!"

"I can live here for free?"

Ara stopped dancing and gave her friend a little pout. She put her hands on her hips and rolled her neck.

"HELL no." She paused again before doing a little spin. "We can get a pet!"

"A pet?" Dee can't help but look a little astonished. "Well you'll be glad to hear that I know where we can get a cat or two."

"Really? Where?"

* * *

Jonas shook his head in amazement. He pushed his red hair out his eyes, making a mental note to cut it. He thought of himself as too old to keep his hair long. He already went through that phase.

Now he was an adult. With his toned body, above average height and 'amazing' personality, he was prepared for anything! ...except for this. He did not expect to find a bunch of strange looking cats in a box outside his apartment. That was pretty unexpected.

He was actually kind of relieved when he heard that some of his friends were looking for pets. Jonas would've felt really guilty if he had to make the kitties remain homeless. It would've been nearly impossible to pick just one.

"People really suck sometimes..." He muttered, reaching into the box to stroke a completely black cat.

"Except for meeee!" Ara called out, barging in like she owned the place. "You should really start locking your door, you never know who's lurking around these days."

"Yeah totally, come in. Thanks for knocking." Jonas rolled his eyes.

"Unlocked is like, the universal sign for 'come in and cut my hands and feet off'."

"No, no it isn't."

Dee gives a small wave to Jonas as she comes in. She locks the door behind her. The three of them make idle chit chat before one of the cats mew softly.

****Akatsuki's P.O.V****

"OH SWEET JESUS, THAT WAS CUTE AS DICKS!" A female's voice squealed as Kisame mewed in confusion.

"So that's still apart of your vocabulary..." A male voice sighed.

The entire crew felt groggy and tired, not feeling all the noise being made. It didn't take long for them to realize that something was very, very wrong.

_'What the fuck?! Why am I a Jashin damn cat?!" _Hidan hissed, bolting to his feet. He looked at Deidara next to him. _"Why the fuck are you a cat? What the fuck?!'_

_'Sempai, you look so cute!'_ Tobi bats Deidara's face.

"Oh good, they're awake." The guy voice finally said.

"Were they not awake when you brought them?" A slightly more airy voice asks.

"I was hoping they were heavy sleepers."

"...so what you're saying is that there was a chance these cats were dead and you still offered them up." There was smacking sound. "You butthole!"

'_What's going on?'_ Kakuzu glared, his tail puffing up with annoyance.

'_Where are we...?'_ Konan peeked over the edge of the box.

_'Well, we're all cats in _**_some idiots house_**_ and I think they plan to adopt us.' _Zetsu commented.

_'Everyone be quiet and calm down.'_ Pein quickly got everyone's attention. '_Panicking isn't going to solve anything.'_

Konan slowly lowered herself down. _'There are two women and a man, they seem distracted... And pretty harmless.'_

Itachi stayed where he was, tail swishing back and forth. To put it bluntly, he was not in the mood for this bullshit.

_'Shit, one's coming, hm!'_ Deidara unknowingly unsheathes his claws.

"So what I was thinking." The curly haired one looked into the box. "Is that we each pick two, which makes a total of four cats off your hands."

"I'd appreciate that. Are you sure you can handle that many animals though?" The man says.

"JONAS. I am an ADULT. I can handle some cats!" She huffs. "Besides, I just inherited a house from my grandparents. I can literally have as many animals as I can, however, you can't."

Jonas takes a deep breath and lets it out as the girl eyes each of the cats. "Speaking of your grandparents, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess. I dunno." The girl shrugs. "It's whatever, I have cats now."

"Ara..."

"I'm really fine."

The one named Ara picked up Tobi and observed him. She made a soft squeak of approval before setting him down again. Then, the blonde picked up Sasori and put him in Jonas' face.

"Hey look, it's a kitty-you," She joked. "He's even got the whole 'I'm so done' look."

Sasori is placed back down, and he instinctively goes to smooth down his fur. He gives a look to the blonde girl.

"Uh-Huh." The Jonas one replies, unamused. "Better pick out your cats now before the others show up."

"Oh, right!" Ara 'hmm-ed' as she tapped her chin. She picked up Pein. "I want this one, it has no soul."

"...Yeah, actually you go ahead and take that one. It's probably evil," Jonas stroked on of the blue ones. "Along with whoever dyed these cats blue."

Pein innerly grimaced. He didn't like being held, and he definitely didn't want to go anywhere with this... 'Adult'. He scratched her arm, but she simply put him inside the cat carrier.

"Who decides to just dye their cats?" The blonde on muttered. Her eyes widened and she scooped Kakuzu up in her arms. "Oh you poor baby! Who could do this to a cat!" She took note of all the stitches on him.

"Dee, oh my god." Ara shook her head. "Of course you go for the fucked up cat. This is why we don't have nice things."

"They're free! You worry about your own cat choices, jeez." Dee grumbled, holding Kakuzu protectively.

"What's wrong with it's eyes?"

"Oh, shut up." Dee gently set him in a separate cat carrier.

_'Im not going anywhere with those bitches!'_ Hidan hissed as Ara reached for him. She quickly retracted her hand.

_'They'll probably just kill you if they don't find a home for you.'_ Konan pointed out. _'Thats usually how it works.'_

'_I can't die, bitch.'_

'_Then you'll be homeless in some unknown place.'_

"That one looks pissed." Ara points at Itachi. "Dee, don't pick that one. It'll murder us in our sleep."

"I wasn't going to..." Dee lied. She instead picked up Tobi. "I want this one. He looks adorable, I mean look at his face."

Tobi mewed excitedly at the compliment.

Ara shrugged. "Doesn't seem like any of these are fixed... That'll be a problem pretty soon."

Ara eventually decided on Zetsu. She held him up in the air. "Aaayyyye! This ones pretty big, it can be our guard cat."

"I'd like to see how that ends." Jonas commented with a snort.

"Two-Face, attack!" Ara shoved Zetsu in Jonas' face.

Zestu just yawned. _'_**_This is stupid._**_ It could be fun.'_

"No? Okay, we'll have to work on that," Ara frowned.

"Thanks for the cats, Jonas!" Dee called back as they left. "We gotta get together for a play date soon!"

_'Hopefully soon...'_ Pein got as comfortable as possible inside his shared carrier.

* * *

It wasn't too long before Daisy, the girl next door(more like down the hall), showed up. Daisy's hair was black and cut into a short bob. She wore purple glasses and was close to Jonas' height. She had just turned 24 a few days ago and decided that she'd get herself a cat as a late present.

She knocks on the door and waits patiently for Jonas to answer. The second it opens, she makes a beeline for the box of kittens.

"I thought you said there were 10?" She questioned.

"Ara and Dee came here before you."

"Oh... I bet they took all the good cats."

Jonas just shrugged. They sat in silence as Daisy picked out a cat. Jonas checked his phone awkwardly, before going to answer the door. Jay was just walking up.

Jay was an average height with black, wavy hair that went down to her butt. She had a mole on her cheek and brown eyes. She saw Daisy and had to hold back a groan.

"Oh genial, la flor está aquí." Jay looked at Jonas pointedly. "Ambos están polinizando o algo?"

_[Translation: Oh great, the flower's here. You guys pollinating or something?"]_

"Por favor, se amable." Jonas muttered.

_[Please be nice.]_

"I'll try." Jay rolls her eyes, her Spanish accent still heavy. "Hola, Daisy."

"Can you please speak English?" Daisy raises her eyebrow.

"..." Jay throws Jonas a look. "Hi. Daisy."

"You here about the cats too?" She smiled.

"Yeah, I've always wanted a pet. Hopefully 'dese aren't too fucked up." Jay feigned interest in the conversation. "'Ey Jonas, dis one looks like you." She picked up a red cat.

"Dee said the same thing. I was hoping she was just being weird." Jonas sighs.

"Why do you still talk to her?" Daisy clicked her tongue, earning an unseen glare from Jay. "She's so... Strange. Her and her roommate."

"Well, we've been friends for a long time. I can handle a little weirdness."

"I'm taking that black one too." Jay quickly said, putting her chosen cats into a basket. "An' Jason, dis is for you."

Jay hands him a DVD with the cover replaced with black construction paper. She winked.

"Open it 'vhen you are alone." She laughed as she went on her way. "Gracias!"

"See ya." Jonas waved. Silence returned and Daisy looked annoyed.

"What movie is that?" She asked, picking up a blonde cat.

"Oh nothing." Jonas shrugged. "Nothing you're interested in."

Daisy narrowed her eyes in mild suspicion. She shook her head and changed the subject. "You've got a weird taste in friends."

Jonas didn't reply. Daisy decided on the blonde kitty and the silver one. She thought they looked cute together and would totally match the color scheme of her house.

"Thanks for the cats!" Daisy smiled shyly.

"Oh, uh... No problem!" Jonas smiled back.

He checked the box to see the two remaining cats, both blue. He booped the boy on the nose and said. "I guess I'll name you Blue. Like the cheese." He then picked up the girl. "And you can be... Ivy. Yeah."

* * *

**A/N: Special thanks to F.P. NOW for correcting my shitty Spanish XD**


	2. Abandonment

Ara and Dee returned home and set everything up for their 4 new cats. They filled the water and food dishes, set down newspaper in various spots around the house, put away anything precious and put together their hut/scratching post. When that was done, they let their cats out their carriers.

"What're you gonna name yours?" Ara asked, more or less following her cats around.

"Well, I was gonna name this one Lilo. But it's a boy, so I'm gonna go with Leo." Dee held up the black cat with the orange face. It licked her face in appreciation of a fairly normal name.

"Clever." Ara nodded. "So the ugly one's gonna be Stitch?" She pointed at the big brown kitty with the weird eyes.

Said cat bristled with anger and let out a low growl. It got up and stalked away.

"Ara..." Dee sighed and facepalmed. "Don't insult the cat."

"I'm sorry, Stitch!" Ara called out in his basic direction.

"I know you named the big one Two-Face." Dee said as the mentioned cat sneaks off the explore the house. "What're you naming the ginger?"

"Princess."

'Princess's' head snapped up, glaring daggers into Ara. If looks could kill...

"...Why."

"Because her fur pattern looks like a bunch of jewelry, and since cats are an Egyptian thing and since Egyptian royalty wore a lot of jewelry, I'll be naming her Princess."

"...Ara that's a boy cat."

"No it's not." Ara picked him up to expose his underside. "See?"

"...Yeah, those are boy parts."

"Wha...!?" Ara checked for herself, and what she saw was true. Princess was a boy. "Well... I guess I'll just call him that... Ironically. It's an ironic name."

Princess sighed and stalked away from the girls. Leo followed excitedly.

Ara d'awws in complete awe as 'Leo' pounces on 'Princess' and they begin to play fight. Well, it looked like play fighting, Princess seemed pretty pissed actually.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jay was cooking fish to feed herself and her new cats. She wasn't completely prepared to take care of the cats, but she didn't think it'd be so hard. To her, the hardest parts were the names.

After much thinking and consideration, she decided to name the black one Snoopy and the red one Fuego. Those were good enough. They're cats, not children. She just needed to water them twice a day and keep them well fed.

She tapped the floor in front of them. "Sentarse!" When she received no reaction she repeated herself. "Sit." She seemed almost disappointed that they didn't respond to Spanish.

The two cats sat in unison, and she served them on a paper plate. They seemed suspicious of the fish at first, even after watching her cook it. They didn't take a bite until she ate some of hers.

"You two are some obedient ass cats." She commented. She paused before she could start a conversation with the cats. "And I am not crazy. Yet."

Dinner goes on in more silence, when she notices the cats have been watching her this entire time.

"Can you not?" She looked around awkwardly. "Fucking cats..."

She stopped eating when it became obvious that they weren't going to stop staring anytime soon.

"The hell are you both lookin' at?" She huffed. "With your judgmental eyes! Go do somethin'!"

Still no response.

"Oh god, I've got demon cats." She stood up with a grunt. She kneeled by them and gave each a stern expression. It soon faded into a smile as she stroked each of their backs.

"Alright, lets set some ground rules." She said, both cats tilting their heads slightly. "First of all, no pooping outside of the litter box. Secondly, I don't care if ya clean yourself. Baths are weekly!"

The cats seemed to nod in agreement.

"And don't scratch my shit up." She flicked the black ones ear. "And you try to stay in well lit areas."

She stopped and watched the cats carefully. She couldn't help but to not laugh at herself-talking to cats as if they could understand her. What kind of mess is that?

Jay stood and went to the living room to watch some TV. Snoopy completely ignored the rule made specifically for him and sat in the darkest area he could find. Fuego, however, hopped onto the couch to try to figure out this TV thing. Or even just this different world thing.

* * *

From the moment they stepped into the house, Daisy's cats fought almost constantly. The blonde one, affectionately named Pookie, kept smacking the silver one, Thrash. And even when Pookie wasn't messing with him, Thrash kept chasing down every other living creature in the house and clawing the fuck out of it, Daisy included.

She came to the conclusion that she couldn't handle a pet. She gathered up the two cats and took them right back to Jonas. He didn't appreciate it, but took the cats back regardless. He hoped that Ara was looking to adopt more pets, and made a mental note to plan a Kitty Play Date. Soon.

* * *

"In the name of Jashin, I command you to sit!" Ara pointed at Two-Face dramatically. "...no? Okay then."

"I thought you grew out of your Naruto phase?" Dee muttered.

"This isn't a phase, Dee! THIS IS WHO I AM!"

"...Kay." She idly stroked Princess.

"Besides, I never really grew out of anime. I just got back into Naruto specifically. It's a classic." Ara pouted. "Why does he let you pet him?"

"Because he doesn't hate me." She teased.

"...Rude."

It wasn't long before Ara gave up on training Two-Face to be a guard cat. She called up her friends and invited them over for a kitty playdate.

Within the hour, they all showed up. Ara gave Jonas a look when Daisy came in with him.

"Oh hey there... I didn't know you had a cat, Daisy." Ara smiled.

"I don't, but I wanted to come along." She replied.

"Where's Dee?" Jonas interrupted their awkward conversation.

"Oh, she's upstairs washing Leo off. He got into some of my paint..." Ara scoops up Feugo in her arms. She spun around and took him to the kitchen with him.

Jonas went to go play with Princess-who literally tolerated everyone except Ara. She wasn't feeling that. Things were going on fairly uneventful until a shocked scream came from the bathroom. Not too long after the scream, Dee came running out into the main room.

"Dee, what is wrong?" Jay lifted Thrash off her chest.

"T-There's... There's a S-ranked criminal in my bathroom..." Dee mumbled, barely believing herself.

"What...?" Jonas raised his eyebrow.

"It's a Naruto thing." Ara cleared up any confusion. "And by the way... WHAT?"

"I-I put him in the water and he went poof and... Tobi appeared... and I saw... things." Dee looked off into the distance dramatically.

"What the fuck is going on?" Daisy shrieked.

"THERE IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN MY BATHROOM." Dee yelled.

"And she saw his junk." Ara added with a laugh. She went to the bathroom to see for herself what the fuck Dee was talking about.

Meanwhile, Jonas was trying to calm Dee down so she could better explain. He still didn't quite understand, but he felt like he should leave before he got involved. Jay eyed Snoopy suspiciously. She picked up her glass of ice water and poured it on his head. There was a loud poof and in place of her cat was the one and only Itachi Uchiha... naked.

"Fuck that." Jay hopped up and made a beeline for the door.

Ara had just come back to the main room. "Wait! Jay, where're you going?" She ran after her. "You can't just leave your cats here!"

"Dis is some weird satanic shit, and I want no part of it." Jay snapped. "Fuck you and yo cats, Jonas."

"Jay!" Ara threw her hands up, but her friend was already gone. She whipped around to face the others. "You all need to take your cats home!"

"I'd rather not..." Jonas mutters. "Don't you think it's best for them to stay here?"

"WHY?!"

"Well, you have the biggest house. And you seem to know who they are-"

"Which is why I don't want you fucking leaving them here!"

"Ara, language." Dee gasped in mock offense.

"It'll be okay, I promise." Jonas slowly backed out towards the door, Daisy following suit.

"It won't be okay, take your fucking cats home!" Ara yelled. "You can't ditch me with your problem! Jonas? Jonas!"

While the 4 of them argued and tried to deal with this problem, Tobi and Itachi had turned the rest of the members back into their human forms. Of course no one really noticed, they're ninjas.

Jonas and Daisy had made it out the house, Ara was just pissed.

"Just get the rest of them, make sure they don't get in the water." Ara grumbled.

"Alri-" Dee turned and was face to face(well face to chest) with Kisame. "Too late!"

The two of them were knocked out with ease, because once again. Ninjas.

Ara woke up first. The room was pitch black aside from a lamp shining directly onto the pair of girls. She looked around slowly, her head throbbing and her mouth dry. She let out a groan and tried to stretch, but found she couldn't.

She let out an incoherent noise of distress and began to pull at her restraints. Her struggling brought attention to herself quickly. She froze as she stared up into dark eyes. She blinked few times as she tried to understand what was happening.

She saw blue skin, and even darker blue hair. A shark like grin gleamed in the darkness. Her eyes trailed downward, stopping at the towel wrapped around the man's waist. She rolled her eyes.

"Listen, I know how excited Liam is about his new director gig..." Her head droops to the side. "But you tell him... that I told him... that I don't do porn."

The man chuckles at this. "I think you hit her a little too hard."

"Well it's a good thing there's two then, un?"

"Why can't I move...?" Ara mumbles, finally drooping as forward as possible. She soon goes still and drifts into soft snores.

Dee on the other hand remained silent when she awoke, scanning the room frantically. She couldn't see anyone until Kisame stepped into the light and in her line of view. He places a finger on her chin and tilts her head up, staring into her eyes that were wide with terror.

"This one's up. Kid, why don't you introduce yourself?" He demands.

"...This cannot be real." Dee whispers. She jerked her head away, ending up head butting Ara and effectively waking her up. "I-I'm Debbie. Debbie Salinas."

"...Sounds fake, but okay. And you?" Kisame turns his attention to the now wide awake "adult".

"Oh, I'm Ara." She smiles.

"Full name."

"Ugh... Arianna Simonts. But seriously, call me Ara."

"Also sounds fake." He reveals a kunai out from under his sleeve, pressing it against Ara's neck. "So, I'll ask you once more. What is your name?"

"I guess I'll tell you once more: Arianna Simonts. Go ahead and check my ID... Dee, where's my ID?" She upholds her smile and looks up at Kisame. "I think it's on the coffee table... wherever that may be... wow, it's dark as dicks in here. I never knew the house could get this dark."

"Stop talking." Kisame removed the kunai from her neck and caught a bright blue wallet as it emerged from the shadows.

Ara opens her mouth to retort, but decides against it when Dee headbutts her again. The two sit in silence as Kisame hums contentedly.

"Next question, what village is this?"

"None of them. There's no villages in America, silly." Ara pauses. "Well maybe there is? Let's put it this way: There's no villages in the state of Massachusetts as far as I know..."

Kisame frowns. "Arianna Simonts, is it? I said stop talking. I want to hear what this Debbie Salinas has to say."

"I-It's just like she said. We don't have villages really? U-Um, if it helps any, there's a map in the office."

"Is anything we say _really _that weird? I mean, you were cats not too long ago." Ara chimes in unhelpfully.

"What did I say?" Kisame sighs.

"I'm just trying to move the conversation forward." Ara squirms in her restraints uncomfortably.

"You're not going to break those ropes, if that's what you're trying to do." He points out.

"I'm not trying to break the ropes, I just _really _need to pee." She admits. "Had I known I'd be getting tied up in the near future, I would've emptied my bladder before hand."

"Ara, oh my god." Debbie groans.

"Sorry, it's just so hard to stay focused when it feels like your bladder is gonna explode!"

"Arianna, shut up." Kisame interrupts their mini quarrel, brandishing the kunai in Ara's face.

"What're you gonna do, stab me-"

Ara lets out a squeal of pain as the kunai finds itself into her shoulder.

"Wow, okay, he stabbed me." She laughed nervously. "Haha, I think I just peed myself a little."

"Ara." Debbie sighs.

"Do you think we could like, pause this interrogation and take a bathroom break? I swear I'll be good!" She continues, still squirming in her seat. "Please? Just give me like 2 minutes, and I'll be down to be completely cooperate. Like wow, blood _and _pee. Not something I usually have to deal with."

"..." Kisame simply pauses, listening to her rant for a bit.

"Sooo, bathroom break? I won't try anything funny!"

"Leader-sama?" He glances back and awaits an answer.

"Oh my fuck, my bladder." Ara throws her head back in exasperation. "Come on, please?"

Pein finally answered. "Deidara, take the brat to the restroom. Make it fast."

"Oh, thank god! yes!" Ara cheers as the blonde unties the ropes holding her to the chair. "Let's go, blondie! Escort me faster!"

* * *

**And I'll end it here before it gets too long! Seems appropriate to end on a bathroom break. Please review and tell me what you think! I'll give you cookies o3o and internet hugs**


	3. A Name Game

**And we're back! :D Will our heroines survive? Will they ever agree to adopt stray cats again? Read on and see!**

* * *

As Deidara and Ara walked back to the "interrogation room", she tried to strike up a conversation.

"Have you you ever been in a situation where you _know _you're fucked, but you just don't want to accept it?" She muses quietly.

"Basically my entire existence, un." He throws a backwards glance in her direction.

"Oh." She pauses, tilting her head to the side. "What do you think our life-death ratio is, huh? Maybe... 50-50?"

"More like 20-80, un."

"Now what if I told you that I give pretty great handjobs? What's the ratio now?" She grins, giving him a thumbs up.

Deidara just sniggers at her comment and shakes his head a bit. He takes her back into the main room and pushes her down into the chair. He resecures her and steps back into the shadows.

"Hey, you never answered my question!"

"What question?" Kisame frowned.

"...Nuthin." Ara pouted a bit and turned her head to the general direction Deidara went. "I like to think Dee and I fit inside that 20 percent."

"Moving on." He retrieved the kunai from Ara's shoulder. "It seems that your stories check out. The only thing left to do is figure out what to do with you two."

"You could let us go?" Dee squeaks.

"But if we do that, you could go straight to whoever's in charge. It's really not the best option here." Kisame tsks.

"We could coexist together in my home?" Ara raises her eyebrow, ignoring the pain in her shoulder to the best of her ability. "Wait, am I still not allowed to talk?"

"I'll allow it for now, so long as you stay on task. Coexistence, huh? ...We'll consider it."

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh..." Ara scrunches her face up in thought. "I'd say it's a pretty good option though. We get to live, and you guys get a sweet house and two hot and single ladies ready to show you how awesome our universe is!"

"What if-what if you guys leave and we just pretend this never happened? Hahaha..." Debbie squeaks.

"What? No." Kisame rolls his eyes. "I think I'm going to revoke your speaking privileges too."

There's a good minute of silence.

"We could have an orgy." Ara blurts out.

"I'm gonna murder you." Debbie replies in a monotone voice. "I'm gonna rip out your heart and I will feed it to you."

"Or, we could turn you guys back into cute little kitties! Then you won't have to walk around in towels like this is Playgirl magazine."

"And why not just kill you and take the house for ourselves?" Kisame sneered.

"The fact that you just asked that question just proves that you need us alive!" Ara scoffs. "I mean, if we're gone who will pay the bills? Who'll clean and cook? Who'll let the authorities know that everything is fine because Dee stopped showing up to school and I stopped showing up to work? Someone's gonna find our bodies, come here, and blow your cover. And for the measly price of... well, nothing. You can have the house for sure without any one snooping around, some friendly company, and maybe even get something _else _blown in the future."

Kisame cocked his eyebrow, mildly impressed with her reasoning and slightly amused by her final comment.

"Besides, you don't want the ghosts of my grandparents the ghosts of Dee and I haunting you guys. It'd be so annoying."

* * *

Dee and Ara quietly argued with each other as the Akatsuki left the room to discuss their options.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?!" Dee hisses.

"Yes actually, I probably have. Did you miss the part where there are ten, _that's right, _ten god damn S-Ranked criminals chilling in our house!?" Ara snapped back, trying to keep her voice low. "It doesn't matter what I say, we are staring death in it's face regardless."

"That doesn't mean you have to provoke them! You got stabbed!"

"What's a stab wound but just another hole?."

"_What? _How the fuck are you comparing a stab wound to your mouth or your ears?!"

"I'm doing my best here! Jeez, it could've been worse." Ara pauses. "Honestly, I think our survival rate is pretty high. I mean, Kisame could've stabbed me in the chest-"

"Don't say their names! If we go around sprouting information about them, they'll think we're spies!" Dee kicked Ara as best as she could. "As far as they're concerned, we don't know anything about them. Got it?"

"Right, okay. But seriously, I could be dead right now. But no, my blue-skinned knight in shining armor stabbed me in the shoulder. And they let me use the bathroom."

Dee sighs. "Alright, I'll admit they're being pretty lenient. But don't push your luck!"

"Alright, alright. Okay." Ara rolls her eyes. "I'll be good."

Ara's stomach growls loudly, earning an annoyed groan from Dee.

"Don't you groan at my bodily functions. We can't all be prepared for an interrogation like you..." Ara grumbles.

More silence. Ara suddenly gasps.

"Ya know, you should really start going to my psychic with me. She totally predicted this would happen!"

"Ara, what're you talking about?"

"Well, she said a variety of men would come into my life... this is not what I expected. She also said that the next time I come see her, I'd have a bandage on my shoulder. Well looky here! I got stabbed!"

"Now's really not the time for your creepy psychic."

"She's not creepy... she's cool."

"I don't see how that's relevant anyways. Do you really want your final words to be about some crazy-"

"Ugh! Just think about it! I come and see her with a bandage on my shoulder! I haven't seen her this month. What do you think that means?"

"...Oh my god."

"Yeah? Do you get it?"

"Oh, please let your psychic be legit."

"Debbie Salinas and Arianna Simonts. You're fate has been decided, un." Deidara stands in front of them. "We've decided to kill you, un!"

"What!? No! Ara, your psychic is full of shit!"

"But there's so much stuff I wanna do!" Ara shrieks.

Deidara laughs at them both, "I'm just kidding, un. Guess that 20 percent really worked out for you, un." He used a kunai to cut them free. "But, just to be clear there are some rules you guys have to follow."

"Gross." Ara stood and stretched.

"Rule 1, no leaving the house alone. Can't have you idiots betraying us, un? Rule 2, you're to have various meals ready at set times. Those times will be posted in the kitchen of course, un. Uhh, what else?"

"Question, when are you guys gonna put some clothes on?" Dee raised her hand.

Deidara shrugged. "Why? Does this _bother _you, un?" He smirks.

"...Oh shut up."

"Oh, and Rule 3! No interfering with our business. That includes planning, training, and anything related, un."

"You guys sure do have some high standards." Ara muttered. "Sooo, I'm gonna take a nap. Thanks for not killing us."

Ara goes up the stairs and spots Tobi, who was wearing a very familiar outfit.

"Is... Is that my _shirt_? What the hell Tobi, you're gonna stretch it out! Take it off!" She waves her arms frantically.

"Oooh, how scandalous. And you have only just met Tobi!" He points out, stepping forward.

Ara puffs her cheeks out and stares into the eyehole in his mask. "Don't you twist my words!"

Tobi lets out a little gasp. Next thing Ara knows, she's being lifted into the air Lion King style and swung around by a hyperactive masked man.

"Oh, you are just the cutest little thing!"

"Put me down!" She flails wildly in a vain attempt to get free. "I demand you put me down!"

"But you're just so cute! I'm so glad we didn't kill you! ...Arianna, right?"

"Actually, it's Ara. Now if you could just put me down-"

"How did you know my name?"

Ara stares in silence, caught off guard by this change in mood.

"Uh... lucky guess?"

Tobi didn't respond at first. He at last released her and ruffled her hair.

"Wow, I guess today's just your lucky day!" And off he went.

Ara quickly went to fix her hair, pouting a bit at being assaulted.

"Should've just let 'em kill me." She muttered under her breath.

* * *

It wasn't until today that Dee realized how much she _hated _the feeling of being watched. And yet, she could practically feel at least two sets of eyes burning holes into her back. She sighed and wondered to herself how Ara managed to talk them out of a death sentence.

_Honestly, I'm not sure this is much better. _She thought to herself.

Wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn't even notice Tobi sneaking up on her. When she turns and reaches for a knife, she essentially ends up karate chopping him in the throat.

"OH MY GOD." She jumps back, covering her mouth and lowering her voice. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you."

Tobi simply coughs a few times before giving her a thumbs up. "Tobi is fine! I am here to watch you cook! Do you need any help while I'm at it?"

"Yes, actually-"

Dee stops talking long enough to note that Tobi clearly wasn't listening. He had gone to explore the various cabinets and drawers. She sighs and gets back to work on her own.

Tobi soon finds something of interest in the drawer closest to the basement entrance: A rather large bag of suckers. Dee glances back curiously, a look of worry crossing her features.

"Oh, don't eat those! Those are Ara's." She says, visibly recoiling when Tobi's head snaps around to stare at her. "I-I mean, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you took one or two-oh, you're taking like 10. Fine, that's fine. She won't even notice."

Tobi made himself comfortable at the table and began to work on devouring the suckers he essentially stole. Dee rolls her eyes as the sound of angry, pattering feet fill the house. Ara slides into the kitchen, eyes wide and her pupils blown.

"My spidey sense is tingling. Who the _fuck _touched my suckers?"

"One of the people trying to kill us." Dee muttered.

"Mother _fucker. _Tobi, what the shit? Are you just eating those out of spite?" She crosses her arms. "Is it just 'take Ara's shit' day?"

"Ara...!" Dee hisses in a warning tone.

"What!? I can't help it, you know I take my suckers very seriously! So don't you dare 'Ara' me-"

Tobi suddenly stands and stuffs the remaining suckers in his pockets. He grabs Ara by her sides mid-rant and lifts her into the air.

"Oh, Arianna-"

"ARA!"

"Oh, Ara! Don't you know stress is bad for your health? You need to smile more!" Tobi spun her around, despite her pterodactyl-like shrieking. "You don't wanna start getting wrinkles this young, do you?"

"You shut your dickhole, you swirly faced, candy-stealing, motherfuc-"

Dee watches as Tobi absconds from the room with her friend, the small woman yelling the whole time. She eventually quiets down, which probably means Tobi put her down.

"Back to work, I guess..."

* * *

Ara adjusts herself, confused as to why Tobi decided to present her to the zombie bros. Kakuzu seemed disinterested, but Hidan had the courtesy of accepting her existence with a glare.

"Well, Ara? What do you think _their _names are?" Tobi questions.

_Oh god, he's onto me. _Ara thinks, giving Tobi a confident grin.

"Uhh... let's see here... You look a lot like a Trell." She points at said Jashinist. "And you? You're... you're Stitch! You were Dee's cat." She points at Kakuzu.

"What the fuck is a 'Trell'?" Hidan snaps.

"What the fuck is a 'Hidan'?" Ara retorts. "See? I can ask stupid questions too!"

Ara grins nervously as Hidan narrows his eyes at her _and _she realizes that she slipped up again. She raises her hands and laughs.

"Tobi, looks like it's time to go!"

Tobi didn't seem to mind making a hasty retreat, and lifted her up again. He takes her to the backyard and sets her down on top of a mysterious pile that wasn't there this morning. Ara curiously squatted down and tried to find an opening in the tarp.

"Well?" Tobi gestures to the general area, where Zetsu, Sasori, and Deidara were.

"Oh! Oh! That's Two-Face!" She points excitedly. "And clearly, that one's Danna. The blonde one's always saying his name." She pauses. "And that blonde one is... well, I get this feeling he's more of a Deidara, but I'm probably wrong."

"Hmmm... Very interesting." Tobi taps his chin. "Maybe you're not very good at guessing names after all? Tobi is so disappointed."

"_Why _are you talking in third person? Is that a thing?" Ara pulls up the edge of the tarp.

She stares at the body pile for a total of a second before dropping it down, turning away, and going back inside. Tobi swoops in, now lifting Ara over his head. He takes her to various parts of the house to have her guess member's names. She tried to be mostly wrong to throw him off her trail, though she's pretty sure that wouldn't fool him.

Ara guessed that Konan was named Fred, that Kisame was named Konan, and that Itachi was named Basel. He had taken her to almost all the members, when suddenly a meeting was called.

"We'll pick this up later, alright?" Ara said, having upgraded to being carried under Tobi's arm like luggage.

"Nonsense!" Tobi laughs. "We only have one more left. Then you're free to go!"

"But I don't think I'm welcome at the meeting? That's like Rule 3, or some shit."

"It'll be real quick! Before the meeting even starts! Or are you..." Tobi gasps dramatically. "Chicken?"

"I'm not a chicken!"

* * *

Tobi sets Ara down in front of Pein, said carrot-top barely sparing her a glance. He seemed more inconvenienced by her being there, than truly angry.

"Tobi, no prisoners at meetings." He simply says.

"Quickly, Ara!"

Ara sighs, managing to gather up the courage to look Pein in the eye. She places her hands on her hips and smiles.

"Oh, I know _exactly _who this is. And so do you, Tobi! Leader-sama's secret identity!"

Everyone in the room seems to freeze. Pein narrows his eyes at the much shorter girl, as if daring her to continue. Her grin held up strong, while Tobi seemed to be trying to ease her away from the "danger zone".

"Your oh so secret name is..." Ara pauses for dramatic effect. "_Princess._"


	4. Bang Bang

**Ara's P.O.V**

Wake up. Panic. Nearly escape death. Harass the members.

Apologize excessively, make friends with the ones I can, hope this all works out.

Clean the house, set the table, entertain our "guests".

Be the host, constantly worry about going too far, apologize some more, be picked up without permission.

Eat dinner, clean up some more, pretend the backyard doesn't reek of dead bodies.

Go to sleep.

Wake up. Do it all again.

* * *

I hate my life. I seem to be stuck in this eternal cycle of being threatened and almost dying. I'm still kind of thin ice after the whole "Your name is Princess" thing I did during the meeting, and Tobi has yet to leave me alone. He totally suspects something off. And Dee is gonna kill me when she finds out how badly I slipped up.

I'll be honest, it only took about 2 weeks to kill most of the tension in the house. I've managed to form something like a casual relationship with all the members, even Itachi! ...Well, I assume. At least he stopped trapping me in Genjutsu every time I end up in the same room as him.

Despite his almost constant need to eat my suckers, Tobi has been something like a "friend" to me. I'm quite sure he's trying to give me Stockholm Syndrome through goofy antics and mild protection against things that were caused by him in the first place. Now that I think about it, I don't think he realizes how old I am?

Whatever. Let him think what he wants.

"Hey, hi." I slide across the kitchen floor, greeting any members who happened to be in the kitchen at the time. "Can one of you take me to the store? I need more suckers."

Silence. Itachi and Kisame continued their card game as if I wasn't here, and Deidara just kept on sculpting. Ruining my table with his damn clay. Blowing holes in _my _backyard. I'm surprised the neighbors haven't called the police yet.

"Hellllooo? Earth to Akatsuki!" I wave my arms to get their attention. "I know you hear me!"

They continue to pretend that they can't hear me. I groan and go look for someone actually useful. I find the bulk of the members chilling in the living room. Hidan, Zetsu, and Tobi were arguing over what to watch. Typical. Konan was in the lazy-chair reading a book. Not surprising. Kakuzu was counting money that he got from who-knows-where. It looks like USD, but it's probably best not to confront him about it. It was pretty safe to assume Sasori was in the garage, which he had claimed to use as his workshop.

"Hey guys?" I step in front of the TV and block the sensor with my hand. "I need one of you to take me to the store."

"Move, bitch!" Hidan chucks a pillow at me.

"Rude."

"Oh! Tobi will escort you, Ara-chan!" Said grown man/five year old.

I sigh at his enthusiasm, trying to avoid any one-on-one time with the Uchiha. However, my sucker addiction trumps all other problems, so I'll deal with it for now.

"Sure, let's go-"

Tobi grabs my wrist and begins to drag me away. Suddenly, I feel someone grab my free wrist. I grimace as my arm is nearly jerked out of my socket. I turn to see that my lord and savior from the force that is Tobi... was none other than Pein.

"How about no?" He says.

I gotta say, one of the best things about the Akatsuki's stay here is hearing them pick up our slang. The highlight of my day is hearing what new phrase they've picked up. The other day, Deidara said that something was "on fleek" and I just about died-oh no, they're looking at me. I wasn't paying attention...

"Can... can you repeat that?" I ask, hoping that that'd work well enough to pretend I was listening.

"Kakuzu will be taking you to the store in place of Tobi." Pein narrows his eyes.

"Don't keep me waiting, brat. Time is money. Let's go."

"Right, okay!" I hurry to pull on a jacket and some sneakers.

In the middle of tying my shoe, Kakuzu grabbed my hood and began to drag me out the door. I nearly land on my face with how fast he's moving.

"Alright, alright! You can let go now!"

He lets go of my hood and I quickly readjust my jacket. I can't help but pout a bit as he left the house without grabbing car keys. Looks like we're walking to the store.

"It's cold as dicks out here." I grumble as I rub my arms.

He doesn't reply, though I don't expect him too.

"Can you believe my friends haven't called me back yet? It's like their ignoring me." I complain. "I could be dead for all they know! I mean, they didn't even call the police? Sure, it wouldn't have helped... but it's the thought that counts, ya know? At this point, I'd accept an "I'm sorry" text and a box of chocolates. And I don't even _like _chocolate!"

He grunts, either feigning interest or telling me he was listening. Regardless, I kept going.

"Like, what bullshit universe magic is happening where I have to take the fall? Like? It's summer camp all over again! Do you know the summer camp story? You probably don't. Well, we have a long walk, so I'm gonna tell it."

I pause once more, noticing that he had stopped counting his money.

"When I was 10, my grandma sent me to Summer Camp. I forgot what it was called, but my friend's Jonas and Jay had gone their every Summer. So she knew it was legit... It was only about 3 days in when..."

* * *

_Ara, Daisy, Jonas, Jay, and a kid named Trell trek through the woods in an orderly line. Ara led the way with her bear-shaped flashlight and Jonas was in charge of the back of the line. They were all around 10, except for Trell who was 11. This was his first Summer at the camp too._

_The group of children were going to the lake for some night swimming. They were successful in their mission, and it wasn't until late into the night that everything went to shit. _

_Daisy, Jonas, and Trell were going to jump off the ledge into the water. Jay didn't do it because she thought it was dangerous. Ara would've done it, had she known how to swim. So, she waited down at the bottom to judge their cannonballs._

_Up on the ledge, the trio argued over who should go first. Down below, Ara waited impatiently with Jay for them to jump. It was Jay who noticed that the water wasn't as deep as usual. But her warning was too late._

_Trell came tumbling down, having been pushed off by one of the two on the ledge. The two girls turned away as he hit the water with a dull thump, a splash, and maybe even a crack. The green-tinted water was soon a dark red._

* * *

"...And I took the blame for it." I murmur. "...I had to go back to therapy after that incident. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have. They're proven to be pretty shitty friends even before what Dee likes to call "The A-Cat-Suki Incident"...OH look, the store! Yay, we're here!"

I run forward to get a cart. I lead the way through the store while I text Dee.

**Ara: What're the cats from hell doing?**

**Dee: Having an orgy in your bed.**

**Ara: Without me!? Tell them to stop!**

**Dee: lol.**

**Dee: But seriously, same as usual. I think Tobi and Leader-sama are having a secret dick measuring contest. They literally haven't left each other alone since you left.**

**Ara: They're totally gonna bang O oO**

"You are a strange brat." Kakuzu comments.

"I'm not just any strange brat. I'm _your _strange brat." I roll into the candy aisle.

"Did we really make this trip just to buy candy?"

"Basically, yeah." I snatch up a family sized bag of suckers, hoping they'd last longer than my last batch.

Suddenly a loud bang goes off and the world goes black.

**Dee's P.O.V**

_'It seems that a bomb has gone off in the Walmart on 65th Street. Not much is known about who did it or why, but authorities are working tirelessly to evacuate everyone.'_

"Wait a minute, that's the store Ara went to..." I say, mostly to myself.

"What about Ara?" Tobi seems to appear out of nowhere next to me.

"She's dead, un." Deidara deadpans.

"We don't know that yet!" I snap at him.

As if on cue, the front door swings open. In one hand is a bag of suckers. Over his shoulder, a limp and presumably unconscious Ara.

"Ara!" I jump to my feet. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know. She was fairly close to the blast." He plops her down onto the couch and drops the bag of candy next to her.

"If she doesn't make it, I'd be willing to immortalize her for you." Sasori added.

I glare at him. "Why the _fuck _would I want a puppet of my friends dead body!? What-What would I even _do _with it? Start a god damn ventriloquist act?!"

This is bad. So very bad.


	5. The Ikustaka

Itachi's solution to this problem was just to heal her with my chakra, as if it was just that obvious. You wouldn't believe the shock the Akatsuki expressed upon hearing that neither of us had chakra and that ninjutsu didn't exist in this world. If they're just now realizing that, I'm seriously questioning the legitimacy of their meetings. I bet they just spend that time talking shit about Ara and me.

Everyone just kind of dispersed after that. Tobi was lightweight helpful, dropping off various first aid supplies in the living room. He also stabbed her with a needle once or twice 'just to make sure she was still alive'. As you can see, he wasn't that helpful. It was a good hour before Ara came to.

"Pro-tip: Stay away from explosions." Ara croaks from her spot on the couch.

At the sound of her voice, I'm back at her side. Kneeling in front of the couch, I feel her forehead and do whatever seemed appropriate. I was never very good at nursing people back to health.

"Hey, how're you doing?" I ask.

"I feel like shit." She replies, slowly sitting up. "How's Kakuzu?"

"What? He's fine, get your priorities right."

Her eyes lazily scan the room. She grins when she spots the bag of suckers.

"Aww, he saved my suckers." She pauses. "He saved me too... Looks like I owe him one."

"Hey, slow down! You're still healing." I scold her. "Who knows how bad that explosion fucked you up!"

"Listen, I'm fine. I'm all healed up and ready to go!" She stands up regardless. "Besides... I think it's time we start having secret meetings of our own."

* * *

I sit in the basement, lightweight annoyed by Ara's persistence to be active right now. This shit would never fly in a hospital. She was decorated with what was probably way too many bandages which had already been tagged by various Akatsuki members. In bright orange, Tobi had written "Get well soon" with a little kitty face. Fucking nerd.

Deidara had written his tagline(Art is a Bang), Sasori wrote "If dead, send to Sasori's Workshop", Kisame had drawn a shark that took up most of the space, and Itachi(with some urging from Kisame) wrote "Be Better" in cursive.

"Aaaand, viola!" Ara finally held up her heavily decorated sign. "If you could just go hang this on the door, we can begin our meeting."

She had written "NO BOYS ALLOWED" and sprinkled glitter all over the damn thing. I take the sign and some take, and go upstairs to the kitchen. I hang the sign up with ease, standing back to make sure it wasn't crooked.

"What are you and Ara-chan doing? Can Tobi join?" He asks in the cutest voice he can muster up.

"Sorry Tobi, no boys allowed." I quickly shut the door and return to the basement. "Ara, your sign is dumb."

"Is not! Now that we have a sign up, they'll never come in." She replies matter of factly.

"Konan."

"...fuck." She makes a much less nicer sign that said "NO PEOPLE WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH K" and handed it to me.

"Wow, how will they ever break into our impenetrable base now?" I deadpan, going back up to tape the new sign to the door.

Once that's over with, we commence our meeting.

"First order of business: common knowledge. Tobi already thinks that we know more about the Akatsuki than we first let on. So, for the sake of consistency, let's share what the Akatsuki have already told us." Ara instructs.

"Well, nothing really. Deidara told me a little about the organization and how he was rudely recruited." I shrug.

"Konan showed me some of her paper ninjutsu. It's actually pretty cool in person."

"..."

"Also, I think the Akatsuki are killing and/or threatening our neighbors."

"What?"

"Seems that we can close that up."

"Ara, wait a second-"

"Second order of business-"

There's a bang on the door. Ara huffs angrily and goes to answer it, ready to yell at whoever decided to try and infiltrate her base. I follow behind her curiously.

She swings the door open, and there's only silence.

"I guess we know who pisses Leader-sama off the most." I hear her murmur.

The door shuts and down comes Ara followed by Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi. Each male clad in a skirt and tight shirt, as well as pigtails and makeup. And yet, Tobi got away with just scribbling lipstick and eyeshadow on his mask.

"Dee, these are our new members: Hannah, Dei, and Tobiko!" She sniggers, gesturing to each member respectively. "Girls, welcome to the Ikustaka."

This cannot be real.

Ara takes her place at the head of the table while we all sit around it. I couldn't resist sneaking a picture or five of the boys dressed like clowns.

"I am Leader-chan, top bitch as this organization. Our goal is to throw the world into Anarchy by releasing all of the tailed beasts!" She announces proudly. "That's my second hand lady, Dee. And the only ones standing in the way of our victory is the Akatsuki! Any questions so far?"

Tobi eagerly raises his hand. "Oh! Leader-chan! How will we stop the Akatsuki?"

"Great question, Tobiko! By the way, I really like your bow." Ara clears her throat. "To stop the Akatsuki, I've devised a series of schemes. We'll get into the first one... after this message. Next week is when we're having our annual potluck! Dee will be sending around a list where you can sign up to bring stuff! If you know any other girls who's names don't start with K, feel free to invite them to our meeting in two weeks."

"This is so stupid, un." 'Dei' grumbles.

"What? I think it's fun!" Tobi replies excitedly.

"Look, if you guys had shown up on time you could've gotten some hot secrets. But you were late and therefore missed out." Ara pauses. "On to Plan Super Important Mission to Stop the Akatsuki... also known as Plan SIMSA!"

"The name's a work in progress." I chime in.

"Shut your dickhole, the name is perfect."

"Leader-chan! Tobiko is sure you are much to young to be using that kind of language!" Tobi tsks.

"Aren't you much to old to be wearing clothing like that?" She shoots back, earning an offended gasp from the masked crusader. "I'm kidding of course. Love you, senpai."

"Can we get on to the plan, un?" Deidara sighs and flips his hair out his eyes.

"...Anyways. On to the mission plan. Since my last name was just oh so terrible, I'll be calling this Operation: Home Improvement!" Ara pulls out a copy of the house's floor plan with different shapes and arrows scribbled all over it. The few Akatsuki members perk up, as if expecting something realistic and/or serious. I swear Deidara would be taking notes if he wasn't so pissed about having to do this.

"Alright, so everyone here is represented by a shape! Tobiko, you're the cat emoji. You and... Hannah, the poop emoji-"

Hidan glares. "Why the fuck-"

"-will set up the perimeter around the back part of the house. That place holds the dining room, the office aka my room, the pantry, and one of the big bathrooms. The perimeter is not a metaphorical perimeter. Like, you literally need to line the area with trip wire and masking tape. Dei, you're the 'Cool Guy' emoji. You and the pink heart, Dee, are in charge of gathering supplies..."

* * *

"...And that's how it'll all go down." Ara grins proudly and recaps her marker.

I had long since lost track of her plan, and staring at the confusing game-plan she drew all over the floor plan didn't help. All I know is that I'm the heart, and that I gotta follow all kinds of dotted lines and colored paths. Hidan claimed to know exactly what to do, but kept questioning what the different lines meant.

"I'm only going over this one more time, so write it down or something! Dots mean stealth, dashes mean speed, a combination of dots and dashes means you're in a danger zone, thin solid lines are the perimeter, thick solid lines mark neutral boundaries, X's mark watch towers, lines of shaded O's are patrol routes, and the unshaded O's are future plans." Ara sucks in air loudly as she finishes her explanation in one breath. "Got it?"

"Right, okay. So what the fuck is this? A shaded O, or a dot?" Hidan pauses. "Why the fuck are you using shaded O's? Jashin-damned heathen..."

"...I can't tell is this is serious or not, un..." Deidara rubs his temple.

"Neither can I." I shrug. "I say go with it. It'll probably be fun."

"I'll let you guys know when the plan is to be started." Ara announces. "Now, does anyone else have something they wanna share?"

"Actually." Hidan turned away from the game plan for a moment. "I was thinking that such a fresh group could use some... unity or some shit. Whatever. We need to convert to one belief system to be more powerful. I suggest Jashinism, as Jashin-sama will accept even the bitchiest of heathens!"

"Hmm..." Ara taps her chin curiously.

"Overruled." I quickly try to shut this down.

"Vetoed. I wanna hear more." Ara waves her hand dismissively. "Tell me more about Jashin-sama!"

"Fuck yeah, get ready to repent so hard!" Hidan grabs her wrist and begins pulling her away.

"H-Hey wait! Uh! Meeting dismissed! I'll call another soon!" Ara calls over her shoulder. "Hida-_Hannah_, slow down!"

And off they go, to do... something lethal probably. I sigh and start cleaning up the mess of papers, markers, and glue bottles. I mostly just shove them on a shelf and call it a day.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed the meeting. I was thinking of doing like a... pre-mission potluck? So if you guys could bring a homemade dish or a quick treat, that'd be great. Leader-chan thinks it's good for morale." I explain.

"I cannot believe we let you two live, un..." Deidara shakes his head. "You're both so damn childish."

"Don't be so negative, _Dei-chan_." Tobi teases.

My phone buzzes with a text from none other than Ara.

_Ara: I've made a terrible mistake._

* * *

**And that concludes another chapter! Will the Ikustaka be successful in their plans? Will Dee ever catch a break? Where are Jonas, Daisy, and Jay? Can our tiny heroine survive a lesson in Jashinism?**

**Ara: Your _what _heroine?**

**Uh... brave?**

**Ara: yeah, I fucking thought so.**

**...Find out all that and more in the next Chapter of... TWISTED TAILS.**


	6. The Calm Before the Storm

**Dee's P.O.V**

I was in the tub relaxing when my phone began to ring. I was mildly annoyed, seeing as most phone calls lately have been from everyone wondering where I am. It's become nearly impossible to do the whole "college" thing with the Akatsuki breathing down my neck 24/7. I was able to continue some classes online, but I'm pretty sure everyone's feeling really suspicious. The police actually stopped by a few days ago, because apparently a lot of our neighbors went missing. And the ones still here deny knowing anything about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was Akatsuki related.

So anyways, my phone rings. It's Jonas, and I'm almost tempted not to answer. But I do anyways, just in case ya know?

"Well, well, well." I say quietly. "If it isn't the crazy cat man."

"Listen, I don't much time." Jonas hisses. "Are you and Ara okay?"

"I mean, we're alive. Ara nearly got blown up."

"What?"

"Didn't you hear about the bomb at Walmart? Yeah, she was there."

"Oh no... we might have less time than we thought."

"Who's we?"

Jonas doesn't say anything for awhile. I wait patiently for him to continue, mostly just wanting in explanation for his and the others disappearance. I can sort of make out other voices in the background, but not much else.

"Alright, Jay and I met up with some... people not long after the Akatsuki were unleashed. They're going to help get you out of there. They're a dangerous group that-"

"I know who they are. I'd like to know how you plan to save us."

"I-I can't tell you, in case they find out-"

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK _

"No I am not interested in subscribing in that service. Please give me a call if you have any details about other services, though." I hang up and toss my phone onto the counter. "What!?"

"Get out the bathroom in the next 5 minutes, or I will personally escort you out myself." A voice I recognized as Itachi's.

I groan. "Okay! Whatever!"

Regardless of his threat, I settle deeper into the water and take my sweet ass time. My phone begins to ring again, but I just ignore it. I'm honestly not in the mood to deal with these rescue missions and secret phone calls.

Five minutes pass faster than expected, and I can hear a faint clinking coming from the door-oh my god, he's picking the lock. I roll my eyes and begin to wash off.

"Alright, alright! I'm getting out!" I snap. "Jeez, a girl can't be clean in this house?"

He barges in anyways, to which I respond by splashing him. There's a loud poof and as the smoke clears, I'm greeted by a pile of clothes with a black kitty sitting in the middle of it.

"I, uh... well then. I guess I'll be leaving." I rise and step out the tub. I wrap a towel around myself and hurriedly escape to mine and Ara's room(which was previously the office). "Sorry!"

Do you think he'll be mad about that? ...Probably.

**Ara's P.O.V**

I stare unhappily at the bloody mess that had become my shed. He didn't even have the courtesy to move all my stuff out of it! He had launched off into this long rant about Jashinism, and I'm quite sure he's trying to get me to convert. I try to be nice, and what happens? I get dragged into the most painful religion out there.

"Oi! Are you paying attention?" He flicks my nose, seemingly done preparing his ritual.

"How can I not, all my stuff is covered in blood and there is a body in that bag over there." I deadpan, more focused on trying not to hurl. It'd be rude to interrupt his... ritual.

"I'll ignore that this time, but if you're going to apprentice in the ways of Jashinism, you're going to have to show some respect!"

"I don't even know what Jashinism is!" I lie. "Calling me your apprentice is quite the assumption!"

"This is going to be so fucking amazing, you're going to shit yourself and beg to be my apprentice."

I laugh at that, but decide to go along with this. It can't be that bad, right? In the anime it's just like... a stab or two as far as I remember. Maybe some psychotic laughing.

"Alright. I've prepared a short ritual to guide you through. It's quite simple honestly. Even your dumbass should understand!"

I watch from a distance as Hidan drags the bag over and dumps the body out. He pulls me into the ritual circle and hands me a knife dripping with blood.

"Wow, this seems pretty risky. Ingesting blood and what not." I mutter, refusing to take the knife. "Don't you know how dirty people in this universe are? All kinds of diseases just waiting around."

"Ara, seriously. If Jashin-sama is to ever forgive your fucking ignorance, you're going to have to trust me on this."

"Look, I'm new to this! Maybe you should go first, since you're rocking the whole immortality thing. As such a... devote follower... the ritual probably only works on you in this universe." I slowly edge out the circle. "So uh, show your favorite idiot how it's done? Eh... senpai?"

"Humph." Hidan rolls his eyes. "Fine. But you're next. Watch in learn."

This is honestly pretty bad.

Between the near constant screams of the neighbor I once knew, and Hidan's almost erotic enjoyment of this, this was way much more than I could handle.

"I prefer to inflict as much pain as possible during the ritual, though you may not be able to do the same. Since you're rocking the mortal thing." Hidan continues. "Just look at the fucking bitch cry. The people in your universe sure are weak, Ara."

"A-Ara...?" The lady croaks. Hell, I can't even remember her name and that makes me feel worse about the situation.

"...I don't think I'm cut out for Jashinism..." I mumble, staring pointedly at a spot on the ceiling.

"You're just nervous. You're gonna fucking love this!" He steps out the circle for few moments to do who knows what.

"Ara... how could... you...?" The lady chokes out. "You seemed like... such a sweet woman..."

"Hm." I stare harder at the spot on the wall.

"I thought... you were nice... selfless... not evil and... twisted."

"Well."

"Y-You... you won't get away with this."

"Just-you have no idea what I'm dealing with! It's not like I'm the one doing this!" I snap back.

"Your... a monster."

"Oh, shut up." Hidan calls out, pressing a blade into my hand. "Your turn."

I sigh. "I'd really rather not-"

"Just cause some random bitch said some words to you, you're just gonna give up? Fucking wimp."

"You shut your mouth, I'm not a wimp!"

"That's right, you're a Jashin-damned baby!" Hidan laughs. "Can't even handle a simple fucking ritual, crying over the littlest fucking things! Just like a baby!"

"I'm not crying!" I hiss, but shocked when I check and find that I am indeed crying. "It's sweat. It's hot as dicks in here!"

"Waaa, look at me, I'm Ara. I'm the biggest fucking cry baby in the entire house." He makes his voice all high pitched and squeaky. "My friends all ditched me, waaaa."

"First of all, I don't even sound like that!"

"I'm short and stupid! And I look so much like a fucking 12 year old, I can't get anyone to have sex with me!"

"Would you just-"

"I'm so tiny and confused. Sometimes, I go to the local day care and pretend to be one of the dumb children there! I'm so tiny, I could fit in your pocket-"

"Shut up!" I chuck the blade at him.

The blade pierces his flesh, right in the chest area. The lady lets out... well, an unpleasant noise, and Hidan just smirks at me.

"See? You're a natural." He laughs. "I knew you had it in you."

"...I don't think Jashinism's the religion for me." I turn and exit the shed, taking a seat outside in the grass. I whip out my phone and text Dee.

_Ara: Have you seen what Hidan has done to my shed._

_Dee: Is it that bad? Should I send a wild Tobi out to aid in an escape?_

_Ara: I literally don't have the energy to pretend I have no idea who the Akatsuki are_

_Ara: God damn Uchiha, being all smart. I bet Itachi's onto us too._

_Dee: Maybe we should have like an intervention? I'm sure all the older ones are suspicious. So we should explain all calm-like that they're fictional characters and that even though we know a lot, that information is totally useless. That way it won't seem like we were hiding stuff!_

_Ara: That'll be our Plan D. The D stands for your name btw_

_Dee: What exactly are Plan A through C?_

_Ara: I'll tell you later._

* * *

It was a week later. Set out around the fold-out table was various foods and snacks that the members halfheartedly brought in. I'm not sure why they did it, but Deidara said Dee had something to do with it. I like to think it boosts moral, so I'm glad they participated. I push my empty plate aside and stand on top of my chair, all kinds of fully healed.

"Hello there, fellow Ikustaka members! Today is the day we finally do it!" I grin. "I even wrote out a guide that can be understood by people other than me... Operation: Home Improvement shall begin!"

* * *

**I feel like things have been moving kind of slow, so prepare for a bunch of action-packed chapters!**

**And just a side-note, most stuff written in italics are text-conversations.**


	7. Operation: Home Improvement

_"She only made her own organization out of spite, un. We spend like eighty percent of our time eating, yelling, un, and making each other look pretty."_

_"It's all a stupid fucking game."_

_"Oh! But we should continue investigating 'undercover' just in case! We never know when her motives might change!"_

* * *

"I had no idea she could be this organized, un." Deidara commented as he flipped through the neatly put together pamphlet.

"Oh yeah, she loves shit like this." Dee shrugs and flips to the back of the pamphlet. "So, it looks like we need quite a few things. How about you take care of all the explosives, and I'll get the the food stuffs? Hidan and Tobi should be done by now."

"That's fine, un. I'll just do all the heavy lifting."

"Yeah, well, that's what you get for being the professional bomb guy."

"_Bomb guy?_"

"Yeah! Isn't that what you are?"

"Well... kind of, un? There is a technical term-"

"Oh shit it's the Uchiha. Quick, act natural!" Dee yell whispers.

Dee raises her leg above her head and leans it against the wall. She makes dramatic movements with her arms as she more-or-less stretches. Deidara simply stares at her, crossing his arms as Itachi passes by. He pauses, but decides he didn't care enough about whatever silly shit they were getting into. When he's out of earshot, Deidara smacks Dee upside the head.

"That was the least natural thing ever, un!"

"Says you! Plus, it worked." Dee rubs her head with a pout. "He didn't ask any questions."

The two blondes go their separate ways to gather what they needed. Meanwhile, Ara had managed to find herself alone with Tobi again.

She glances up from her Book of Plans and gives the masked man a small wave. She checks the clock, then goes back to writing in her book.

"What's that?" Tobi reaches for the book, but quickly has his hand smacked away.

Ara brings the book close to her and raises her eyebrow. "A book of plans."

"What kind of plans?"

"Uh, well... Life plans? Backup plans... Future plans... Ya know, useful stuff."

"So... more ways to over throw the Akatsuki?"

"No, those are operations. It's in that journal over there if you wanna look through it." Ara points at a much thinner book resting on a shelf.

Tobi eagerly retrieves it and takes a seat in the bean bag across from her. He flips through it, disappointed by what looked like utter nonsense, but also amused by the rather cute drawings and childish pranks.

"My favorite is Operation Denial." She adds. "It's also the least likely to happen."

"Aww, you want to turn us back into cats?" Tobi flicks her forehead. "How rude."

"You're all really stressful to be around. Have you seen my shed? It's a mess." Ara reveals a key secured to her neck with a necklace. She locks her Book of Plans and instead retrieves a scarf from a bag. She tosses one to Tobi and ties another round her waist. Her alarm let out a series of beeps as the clock struck 2am.

"I made these for the Ikustaka!" She beams proudly, slamming her hand down onto the snooze button. "I would've made cloaks, but those were a lot of work. Plus, scarves are cooler!"

The scarves in question were red. They had black clouds with white outlines printed on them. Tobi wraps his around his neck, eyeing it curiously.

"I mean, it makes sense. We are the cooler organization." Ara scoffs. "We're gonna be so stylish after I buy more supplies."

She gives the entire bag to Tobi. "I need you to hand this stuff out to the other members! I'd do it, but it's time to start my part of Operation: Home Improvement!"

* * *

When Konan woke up around 6am and made her usual rounds around the house, she couldn't help but notice the lack of stuff in the front area. The TV? Gone. Most of the dry goods? Also gone. Hell, even the couch was gone. Upon further inspection, she realized that one bed was partly disassembled and another was gone. There was one thing that wasn't missing though: The signs that forbade boys and people who's names start with K. It was simply moved.

Just in front of the hallway leading to the back of the house sat the signs, possibly redone. Konan sighed and glanced at the tiny, scarf-wearing, leader standing guard at the entrance.

"Ara, where is everything?" Konan asked.

"Oh, you know... elsewhere." Ara shrugs.

"...Is this Ikustaka related?"

"...Yes." Ara carefully steps forward. "To make a long story short, the back of the house is now Ikustaka territory."

"_Really_?"

"Don't really me! It's my shit anyways!"

"Could you just bring the stuff back, so we can discuss... whatever the problem is?"

"By 'we', who do you mean?" Ara pouts.

"Leader-sama, you, Dee, and me." Konan attempts to approach Ara, but is quickly stopped.

"You probably shouldn't come too much closer! There are traps and I feel like I might be in a bad place if any get set off." Ara holds her hands up defensively.

"Ara, I like you. Really, I do." Konan sighs.

"Aww, you like me? ...Well now I feel bad for excluding you from the group."

"I like you a lot. You're fun to have around, it's an amazing change of scenery." She takes a moment to remember her train of thought. "And the last thing I want to happen is for Leader-sama to kick your ass into next week. _So, _let's be adults about this and not start a war-"

"Oh, there shall be a war... _a prank war._"

"Ara, no."

"Ara, yes!"

Ara yawns and begins to retreat back into her 'base'. She was exhausted, and would need as much energy as she could get to deal with the shitstorm coming her way. She maneuvers carefully through the hallway, hoping her Blonde Team set the traps up according to her plan. If not, she'd probably end up setting something off.

* * *

The first one to set off a trap was Sasori. Ara is awoken by a loud explosion followed by a flurry of swears. She sits up and glances at Dee.

"You two really took it all the way with the traps..." Ara scoffs and stretches. She rolls out of her hammock and takes a look around the office she converted into their bedroom.

There were no windows in this room, much to her disappointment, but she put posters all over the walls to make up for that. Across the room where Dee was resting, was an air mattress and a series of shelves, poles, and drawers to hold all their stuff. Ara's side of the room only consisted of a bunch of bean bag chairs, a single shelf, and her hammock. Oh, and anything she had recently worn or used littered the floor.

Ara flicked on the light and looked around. She nudged some piles in search of the pants she wanted to wear. She decided on a pair of red flannel pants and went to check on the status of her new territory.

She shrieks and ducks as a handful of kunai come her way.

"Jesus christ, I can't even." She laughs at the pie covered mess that was Sasori. "This is gonna be great!"

While it was fun to see the Akatsuki trip off the traps in an attempt to find a way through, Ara soon grew bored of just watching them fail. And by them, that's Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu. And she definitely would've wandered off earlier if she hadn't lost the guide to wear traps were placed.

"Guess I'll just wing it then." She murmurs. "You'd best be prepared for me, cause this prank war is just getting started!"

It was early, so no one was really in the kitchen. Tobi was there, but he was more or less on her side.

"Good morning, Tobi!" She grins, securing a rubber band over the sprayer in the sink.

"It's 2 in the afternoon, Ara-chan."

"It's the morning somewhere!"

Ara then reveals a tube of Oragel from her bra and begins to apply it to things the guys commonly use. Like, for instance, her suckers(that they're not suppose to eat), the carton of milk(use a cup, you animals), the carton of orange juice, and inside the various bottles of lubes she keeps finding in here. While she's working on replacing the Oreo cooking filling with toothpaste, Tobi decides that this is something he's down for.

"Tobi's never seen Ara-chan so happy!"

"Tobi, it's been awhile since I've been apart of a good prank war. I love shit like this." Ara turns and gets duct tape out the utility drawer. "Hopefully, the Akatsuki won't disappoint me... buuuuut I guess it wouldn't be the first time I've been disappointed by men. I bet Konan's gonna do great though!"

"Ara-chan! Don't be so perverted, you're too young for that kind of innuendo!"

"For fucks sake. Just come help me set up more pranks."


	8. Prank War: COMMENCE

**Ara's P.O.V **

I don't think I've ever heard so many people scream my name this much. It's honestly the best thing ever. Names and accusations would echo through the house every now and then, as well as a "God damnit" or a "Fuck you!". I've turned my home into a war zone.

And it's beautiful.

"This is cool as dicks!" I cheer, watching as Sasori chases Dee down.

Dee ducks down as she runs out the front door. He follows her, but doesn't duck. He smashes into the cling wrap, pulling loose a bucket of some kind of glue. The impact causes him to fall back as a rain of feather pours down on him.

"Ahh, that's my girl." I sigh proudly.

"I cannot believe you threw this house into chaos in only 2 hours." Konan comments, coming up behind me. "Even Itachi's participating."

"Ehhh, it's not that impressive. My record is 10 minutes." I turn and walk down the stairs. "And honestly, I expected more."

"Be glad their wasn't more." Konan scoffs. "Leader-sama is going to be so pissed when he gets back. Just look at this mess."

"...You mean he already doesn't know about this? ...God, I'm gonna get my ass handed to me on a paper plate."

I flop onto one of my bean bag chairs, wondering in the back of my mind how it got down here. The moment I touch the bean bag chair, I'm suddenly launched up into the air. I land a good 10 feet away, Konan laughing at my little predicament.

"Oh my god, you knew about that didn't you." I groan, rolling over onto my back. "Oh how the turned have tabled."

"Looks like you hit the floor harder than I thought." She grins.

"Wow. I thought you were on my side, Konan? Ikustaka forever?"

"That's a commitment I don't wish to make."

I escape to the backyard, and find that the Akatsuki had moved onto more painful pranks. There, Hidan laid, covered in mouse traps. Not to far from him, Kisame was plucking porcupine quills from his body.

"Kisame, oh my god!" I run up to him, looking as panicked as possible.

"Don't worry, I'm fine." He mutters.

"Forget you! How's my shirt? This is my favorite baggy shirt!"

"..."

"I'm kidding." I grin. "Kind of. Who did this one?"

"Fuck if I know."

"Such language!" I turn and check on everyone's "favorite" immortal. "Hidan, buddy, how ya doin?"

"How the _fuck _do you think I'm doing?"

"I'm just being nice! Jeez." I pluck one of the mouse traps off and receive a handful of insults.

I roll my eyes and continue pulling off the mouse traps. Sure, he was cussing me out now, but he'd definitely appreciate it in the long run.

When I finished with Hidan, I went off my separate way to pretty myself up for the day. I don't bother locking the door since they can easily pick the lock if they wanted to get inside, and check the shower head for anything that might ruin my hair. I indeed find Kool-Aid mix shoved inside. A classic prank.

In the shower, I reflect on my day. It's basically guaranteed that someone's gonna kick my ass by the end of this prank war, and there's an 80 percent chance it's going to be one of the stoic ones. Well, maybe not Itachi.

_'I'm thinking that in order to get away with this, I'll have to go for Plan R. If I can manage to keep Dee out of the cross fire, she can help with clean up... Ah yes, the worst part of the prank war. This was fun though. _

When I step out the shower, it seems like the commotion had doubled. I go for the blow dryer, switch it on, and get a face full of baby powder.

"WHO THE FUCK."

**Dee's P.O.V**

Alright, so this prank war may be getting a _little _out of hand. Instead of pies to the face and goofy tricks, it was boiling hot water and lethal attacks. I long since retired to the kitchen, which we had all agreed was the safe zone. Sasori was in here too, and boy was he pissed. It took all of my strength not to laugh at how silly he looked covered in feathers.

"So, are you enjoying the prank war?"

"Piss off." He scowls, throwing a handful of stray feathers at me.

"Jeez, okay. Don't get your feathers in a bunch."

"_Out._"

A quick stroll through the house would show that the walls had taken some damage, but it was nothing a little paint couldn't fix. A lot of the members were winding down, exhausted from the prank war Ara had started. Honestly, it was pretty hard to tell who the winner was at this point. Everyone was covered in some form of food substance at the bare minimum. Someone had drawn dicks all over the side of Zetsu's Venus flytrap thing, and for whatever reason Deidara was wearing a dress. Tobi's mask was replaced with a child-sized wolf mask, Itachi was missing a noticeable chunk of hair, and Kisame was looking a little... cooked.

I grin and flop down onto a bean bag chair. Next thing I know, I'm 10 feet away and my head seriously hurt. A majority of them burst out laughing, but their laughter is cut short as the front door swings open. Ara came down just then, laughing nervously.

"Oh, hey Leader-sama! What brings you here this time of day?" She sets a platter of cups and a large pitcher of juice down. "I brought something to drink to mark the end of the prank war, so everyone should pretend it didn't happen." She adds quietly.

Pein didn't say anything, eyeing each of his members. I slowly get up and take a seat on the arm of the couch. I was just waiting for his reaction, honestly.

Ara casually plops into a different bean bag chair, a look of fear crossing her features just before she's launched into the air. When she lands, she rolls onto her side and props her head on her hand.

"Wow, that was totally not weird or strange at all." She grins up at him.

Ara gets up and goes to get a drink, probably trying to prove that it was safe. Honestly, it probably wasn't safe and she just forgot. However, she didn't immediately regret her decision so it's probably fine.

One by one the Akatsuki cave in and get a drink. Hell, even I get a drink. Ara settles on the couch probably the closest to the danger zone. I guess she preferred sitting next to Pein in place of risking another airbag in the final bean bag.

"So... anyone care to explain what happened." Pein finally says, his voice even as he glances around the room. "Anyone? Ara, how about you?"

"Haha, yeah. Funny story... A story I'm sure Deidara would be glad to tell." She squeaks out.

"Oh, fuck you, un." Deidara looks round nervously. "Don't you mean Dee?"

I glare at him. "Actually, I think Kakuzu's the best story teller here. He's all old and wise and-please don't hurt me. You're very young and youthful."

"...Ara declared war on the Akatsuki." Kakuzu announces.

"That is a terrible simplification of what actually happened!" Ara shrieks.

**?'s P.O.V **

I'd be more compelled to help them if it didn't seem like they were having so much fun. Or at least, what they called fun. I can't see the appeal of purposely injuring each other, but I guess that's just how things work in this world. Their little friend, Jonas, was hellbent on saving them. Even if it didn't actually look like they needed saving.

The only reason I agreed to help him was because it was my squads negligence that led to those girls getting the Akatsuki cats. Can you imagine my shock when I discovered those two idiots were still alive? Maybe they'll prove to be more useful than they look after we capture-I mean save them.

"That is a terrible simplification of what actually happened!" The tiny one screamed. "I casually suggested a prank war and they all rolled with it!"

The tiny one has proved herself to be the most interesting. Always parading around in a veil of confidence, keeping the Akatsuki busy while I work on my own plans. She's falling into her place quite well, she hasn't even noticed anything wrong with her suckers.

And the blonde one? Well, I haven't done much with her. Yet. She's much more cautious than the tiny one.

Watching the group closely, I notice that each of them were suddenly passing out. They all dropped like flies, their "discussion" dying down. And this would've been the perfect moment to sneak in and grab the girls... if it hadn't been for the one member who showed no signs of passing out any time soon.

* * *

**So... who do you guys think this mystery person is? o3o And who do you think the "one member" is that didn't pass out? Let me know in the reviews!**


	9. Stuck Pt 1

**Ara's P.O.V**

I wake up dizzy and disoriented, Plan R having backfired viciously the moment I forgot I roofied the juice. Seeing as everyone else was still passed out on the floor, it only makes sense to try and clean up any remnants of the prank war. Right? But when I got up and tried to get a snack, I found myself pulled back. I was stuck.

Because why not? Why wouldn't my hand be glued to Pein's? The universe clearly hasn't already thrown enough bad luck my way. Nope, it had to top it off with a good punch in the face.

"Mother _fucker._" I hiss. "Dee? Dee, please tell me you're awake?"

No response. I groan and sit back down, ready to accept my fate. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I'll wake up in like, a hospital or something, and everyone's gonna be like "Oh shit Ara, you've been asleep for the past 3 months!". But I doubt that's the case.

I sigh and check my pockets for any more pain killer, finding none. I toss the empty bottle across the room, pouting a bit as a dull throb in my shoulder slowly began to make itself known. I decide to just go to sleep before it can get much worse.

When I wake up again, it's from falling on my face. I guess my weight suddenly pulling him down really caught Pein off guard, because I soon found him on the floor next to me. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He takes a deep breath and addresses anyone who may have been awake at the moment.

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea." He snaps.

Of course no one answers. I rub my poor defenseless face and stand to stretch as best I could. So far, I could see that most of the members had woken up. However, I didn't care much for them. Because I needed Dee to come rescue me from this hell.

"Dee! Hey Dee!" I wave her over. "Yeah, um... Did you maybe buy new super glue?"

"No. Why?" She narrows her eyes.

"Well, funny story actually, you know that Industrial Strength Super Glue I won in that contest a few years ago?"

"...Yes."

"Yeah, um, I never actually threw it out like you told me to! It's just been, uh, lying around. And it's probably come back to haunt me."

"Ara, for fucks sake."

"It was really good glue!" I pout.

"Arianna, shut up." Pein sighs.

"Don't call me that, my name's Ara!"

"Regardless of whatever stupid thing you did or did not do, I don't have time to be stuck to you. So, you'd better figure out a way to remove yourself from my hand, before I start chopping off your little... twig arms."

I gasp dramatically, putting my hands to my chest to add to the drama. I gasped so dramatically, I started choking on air.

"Do you know what this means? It means we can go to the store!" I cheer. "Dee, make a list!"

Dee pulls out a pad and paper seemingly out of nowhere. "Alright, give it to me."

"We need suckers, Petey Pirate Industrial Strength Glue Solvent, cute bras for Ara, cute sleeping wear for Dee, clothing for the Akatsuki, shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, Hydrogen Peroxide, bandages, fabric, and various medicines." I pause to try to think of anything else as Dee furiously scribbles things down. "Do you guys need anything?"

"Uh, we need food." Konan mumbles.

"I need more explosives, un."

"Tobi wants candy!"

"Hair gel. And none of that fucking cheap shit either." Hidan visibly cringes at the sound of his voice, quickly opting for a quieter tone. "Jashin damnit, my fucking head hurts."

"Well aren't you all needy as fuck." I scoff. "Dee, did you get all that?"

"Mm? Yeah." Dee tosses the notepad my way. "Oh, and Ara?"

"Yeah?"

"You owe me a hit for pulling a Plan R without warning me."

"Awwww!" I pout and look up at her with the saddest eyes I can muster.

"Don't you look at me with them big 'ol eyes."

"...Alright fine. Do it now though. Oh, and I fuck this up, that doesn't count as an extra hit!"

I close my eyes and brace myself. Dee punches me as hard as she can, probably leaving a big bruise on my cheek.

"Ow. Wow. Let's go." I rub my jaw.

Dee takes a step forward, but Pein quickly stops her.

"_You _will be staying here." He states.

"Really, you wanna be alone with Ara of all people?"

"No, but you're her enabler."

"And like 80 percent of her impulse control!"

"You're not coming. Tobi, let's go."

"I'm gonna fuck this up so badly." I groan, ignoring any questions as to what exactly I'm going to fuck up.

"Ara, no piercings!" Dee warns. "I swear to god, if you come back with a piercing, I will drown you in the toilet!"

"Who made you so violent? I need to have a talk with them." I pout as Pein pulls me away, Tobi following close behind.

I climb over into the drivers seat and Pein gets in the passenger seat, while Tobi settles in the backseat. The ginger seemed hell bent on not letting me use our conjoined hands for anything(which is understandable), but I could make this work. I switch on the radio and pull out the driveway.

Pein cocks his eyebrow. "What was that?"

"What was what?" I glance over at him.

"Dee punching you." He states as if it was so obvious.

"Oh, that's just how we settle tiny disputes." I shrug. "We're all about the same strength, so it works."

"All meaning?"

"Me, Jonas, Jay, and Dee... and I guess Daisy? ...Those names probably mean nothing to you." I stop at a stop light and take a moment to hook my phone up to the speakers. "Jonas is the guy who found you guys. Daisy owned Hidan and Deidara before she realized what assholes they were, and Jay owned Sasori and Itachi until she decided she didn't want to deal with this bullfuckery." I explain, picking a song at random and tossing the phone to Pein. "Also, as the passenger, you're the DJ. Pick a song."

_Everywhere I go I hear the echo of a roar that keeps rising, On the horizon, yeah._  
_Walking down the street, I feel the energy the world is demanding, the space is landing._

"That's the song you went with? Nerd." I tease.

"Where are we going?" Tobi chimes in from the backseat.

I flinch, having forgotten he was even in the car. "We're going to the next city over because I'd rather not be blown up again. Plus the Walmart is bigger."

We sit in silence as Pein scrolls through my music, probably judging me by my music tastes. I pull onto the highway, doing my best to drive with one hand. Seeing as I had nothing better to do for this car ride, I start singing along.

"I don't see red lights, I just see go! I don't do stop signs, I don't hear no. Jump and don't-"

The music suddenly cuts off as Pein finally decides on a song.

"Wow, rude."

_All this money on me. Like I'm taking the a G. All she tryna' do is get naked, naked, naked... And she gon' shake it._

_"_You're a terrible DJ, give Tobi the phone." I roll my eyes.

"Just shut up and drive." Pein narrows his eyes at me.

"You shouldn't be so rude to the girl piloting the metal death trap." I pout. "Play Hello, I love that song!"

"There's like 5 Hello's."

"The one by Adele!"

All it takes is that last song before we finally reach our destination. I pull into a relatively empty part of the parking lot and retrieve my phone from Pein. He drags me out the passenger door and pulls me to my feet. I grimace in pain and rub my shoulder.

"If you could not pull my arm this way and that, that'd be great." I huff.

Tobi leaps out the car, nearly taking me down with the door. We grab a cart and enter the store, referencing the badly written list for what to get. I lead the way to the first aisle we needed, which held most medicine and first aid. I grab the usual stuff and move on to the candy aisle.

"Ara-chan, do you _really _need more candy?" Tobi tsks.

I gasp in mock offense. "Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Nooo, of course not..." He replies in the most suspicious way possible.

"Suck my dick, Tobi."

Out of spite, I grab much more candy then necessary and throw it in the cart.

"You are such a child." Pein comments, pulling me forward to the next aisle.

I hiss and clutch my shoulder, abandoning the cart to match his stride. "Stop doing that!"

"Then move faster. I don't have all day." He snaps back.

In the tool section, we search for the right glue solvent... but have no such luck. I groan and make a note to order some online.

"Looks like you're _stuck _with me for at least another day." I grin. "Don't worry, I'll grow on you."

"Gee, Tobi feels kind of left out!" Tobi complains, grabbing my free hand. "You never hold hands with me, Ara-chan!"

"This isn't holding hands though. Our hands are literally glued together."

"Still. Aren't you Tobi's friend?"

"Tell you what Tobi, after I get my hand unstuck from everyone's second favorite leader, you can hold my hand whenever you want. How's that sound?"

"Hmm... I guess I could wait."

Tobi releases my hand goes back to manning the cart. I glance up at Pein and smirk.

"...What?" He tilts his head to the side.

"I hope you know that now I can never let go of your hand."

"You're the worst."

We go to the food aisle, and things were carrying on rather uneventful. Tobi had wandered off to who knows where, so the conversation quickly died down. I was minding my own business, retrieving eggs when Pein suddenly raises his hand up higher than usual(which of course brought my hand above my head). I hiss and immediately drop the eggs.

"Pein, what the fuck!?" I shriek, forcing his hand down with all my strength.

"I don't think that was necessary." He rolls his eyes.

"Oh? That's what you think?" I glare at him. "_I _think it was totally necessary, because I fucking told you that it hurts!"

"You're being a baby. What? Did you bruise your arm during your little prank war?"

"_No. _Two months ago Kisame stabbed me and everyone just forgot it happened." I snap grabbing a new carton of eggs. "And just a few days ago, I ran out of pain killer. But if you really have to swing me around like a ragdoll, despite how many times I ask you not to, just wait like an hour or until the pills kick in. Whichever happens first."

Pein was probably going to retort with some witty comeback, but Tobi interrupted our little "discussion".

"You guys are always fighting! Why don't you just hurry up and kiss already?" Tobi teases.

"Hey, that's my line!" I pause as I spot a familiar flare of red hair. I squeal excitedly, momentarily forgetting my pain. "Hey guys, you know what we need? More clothes! So you can stop wearing mine! Wow, there just so happens to be a mens clothing aisle right this way!"

Pein allows me to lead the way, Tobi coming up from behind. I stop abruptly beside Jonas while he was too busy checking his phone to notice me. Like any sane person, I punch him in the stomach to get his attention.

"Hey buddy, I bet you thought I was dead, huh?" I laugh. "But I'm not, I'm alive! I kinda wanna hug you, but I kinda wanna kick your ass too!"

"Ara, holy shit." He grunts, taking a defensive step back. "I-I see you brought... your cats."

"Hmm? Oh yeah, we're like best friends now."

"Tone it down." Pein flicks my forehead.

"Good friends?"

"Lower."

"Kinda friends?"

"Even lower."

"...We're stuck together." I gesture to our joined hands.

Jonas looks from me, to Pein, to Tobi, and back at me.

"You wouldn't happen to have any Petey Pirate Glue Solvent, would you?" I look up at him hopefully.

"What? No, they don't even sell that any mo-oh my god, you didn't throw it out didn't you?" Jonas sighs.

"I didn't. I did a bad."

"Ara."

"Don't you look at me like that. Jeez, you're worse than Leader-sama. Anyways, I just wanted to hit you... And also say hi! And remind you of my existence!" I shrug and pat his head. "I've never gone this long without seeing you! I dun like it..."

"Ara, let's go. You're wasting time." Pein groans.

"Aw, don't be mean. Come on, let's go check out and then we can hit up Hot Topic!" I wave good bye to Jonas and keep it moving to the lines.

As if just realizing I was escaping once more, he swears outloud.

"What's Hot Topic and why do we need to go there?"

"They sell clothes and stuff. And, as the list says, I need cute bras!" I start piling things onto the conveyor belt

* * *

**Ahhhh I had too much fun with this shopping trip XD This is really long, so I'm splitting it into two parts.**


	10. Get Wet

"Ara-chan, how lewd." Tobi teases as I browse through various bras.

"You're lewd."

"I am not! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Yeah, and I'm 6 feet tall." I scoff. "See, I can dream impossible dreams too."

"What do you even need sexy bras for? You don't have a boyfriend."

"Yet! Besides, why can't I just look nice for myself?" I hold up a pink stripped bra. "How about this? Do you guys think this would look nice on me?"

"I don't know?" Tobi visibly takes a step back.

"What do you mean you don't know? You've got eyes!"

"Tobi doesn't like to think of his sweet little Ara-chan in such a way!"

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Alright, alright. I want you to think of someone you'd be totally down to fuck. Now? Now I want you to imagine that person wearing a pink-striped bra. How do they look?"

"...Ridiculous." They say simultaneously.

"What about... This batman set? Oh hey, the bottoms have a little cape!"

"That's adorable! And childish. Totally age appropriate and Tobi approved." The masked man encourages.

"I don't see why our opinion matters if you're dressing for yourself." Pein comments.

"Alright, consider this: What if a robber sneaks into the house one hot, Summer night. Instead of worrying about throwing some clothes on before attacking the intruder, I can stroll out the room all confident like and stun the robber with my sexyness. I'd be so irresistible, they'd forget all about robbing me, and it would give Dee time to slit their throat!"

"...Right."

"It's getting dark. Don't you think we should start heading back?" Tobi chimes in.

"Pretty soon, yeah. There's just one more stop I need to make." I grab my things and go to wait in line. "I wanna go see my psychic."

**Dee's P.O.V**

Something tells me that by the end of this whole "glued together" thing, we're going to have to explain to Pein that he and his entire world exist within a manga series. I can just feel it.

Maybe I'll make an informative powerpoint.

For now, I'll enjoy fucking around with the Akatsuki. It's always funny to see them set off the traps Deidara and I set up. I retrieve one of Ara's water guns and fill it with the hottest water I can stand.

Today was the season finale of the 11th season of _Supernatural._ And you'd best believe I wasn't going to miss it. As of now, my biggest set back is how much the Akatsuki hog the TV. Especially Hidan, always watching whatever comes on. He even watches the boring stuff! I'm pretty sure he only uses the TV just to spite me!

"Alright, listen up Hidan." I stand in front of him to block the screen. "Today is the finale of my favorite show, and I'd really appreciate if you gave up control of the TV for once and let me watch it."

"Move, I can't see." He makes shooing motions.

"My show comes on at 9. That's in 30 minutes. Are you gonna give me the remote?"

"No, fuck off."

I sigh. "Well, I tried."

I pump the watergun a few times and spray Hidan with the warm water. With a poof, the only thing left of him is a puff of silver fur and a pile of clothes. I snatch him up by his scruff as he angrily hisses and tries to scratch me. He succeeds, but I don't let it bother me too much. I toss him inside a closet and slam the door. I also lock it in case he somehow manages to change back.

I grin and proudly twirl my watergun on my finger. I stop by the kitchen to grab a soda, and return to the living room to watch my show. However, I'm stopped by yet another obstacle: Kisame.

"Sorry, Kisame! I'm, uh, kind of using the TV." I say with a strained smile. "Give me the remote."

"Oh, maybe later! I wanted to watch this movie-"

Without another moment wasted, I spray him with the warm water. He poofs into his kitty-self, seeming shocked that I had the balls to do something like this. I snatch the remote up and flip to the correct channel. I clutch the remote close and settle on the couch. Kisame seemed to be sulking, but remained on the couch with me.

With 5 minutes to spare, I wait excitedly through the commercials. No other members had come to disturb me, and I was hoping it'd stay that way. Suddenly, Deidara comes wandering in.

"Move, un."

"No way! For the next 45 minutes to an hour, this TV is all mine!" I hiss. "I've been waiting forever to watch the finale, and I'm not going to miss it!"

"Oh, hey. Do you hear that, un? It's the sound of me not giving a fuck." Deidara reaches for the remote.

I aim my water gun at him, but he smacks it away. So, I grab the remote and make a hasty escape. He chucks his cup of water at my head, and it sends me sprawling onto the floor. He all but jumps ontop of me and tries to pry the remote from my hands.

"Just let it go, un!"

"You let it go!"

I elbow him in the stomach and roll away to safety. I attempt to get up again, but he lunges forward and grabs the remote. He yanks me back down and starts flipping through channels.

"Stop it! I had it first!" I shriek, wrapping my legs around him to pin one of his arms down.

We roll around for a bit and I manage to get it back to the CW channel. When it became clear that this wasn't getting me anywhere, I make a break for the water gun.

"Don't you dare, un!" He grabs my ankle and yanks me back.

I tuck the remote under myself as I hit the ground, somehow also managing to grab Deidara's other hand to keep him from getting the water gun. There's some name calling, then some yelling, then some cheering off in the background.

"Kick his ass, Dee! Avenge me!" Ara cheers and drops her bags.

"You're not dead?" Pein comments.

"AVENGE ME! I DID NOT DIE IN VAIN!"

"I just wanna watch my show!" I slowly start inching my way towards the water gun.

"Leader-sama, come help avenge me!" Ara pulls Pein forward and kicks the gun closer to me.

"Why does something stupid happen every time I leave this house?" Pein sighs.

I snatch up the water gun and rip my other arm free in order to pump it up again.

"That's cheating, un!"

"No it's not." Ara scoffs.

I spray a faceful of warm water in the blonde's face, relieved as he goes from like... a billion pounds... to just a few. I sit up and stretch, returning Ara's high five.

"Fuck yeah! Score 1 for the Ikustaka!" Ara pulls a sucker out her pocket and pops it in her mouth. "So, what're we watching?"

"Supernatural..." I take my place on the couch.

Ara sits in the middle, and Pein sits next to her. He seemed mildly annoyed, but that's probably because he came in the see one of his members getting their ass handed to them by some normal, non-ninja girl!

"Have you ever seen Supernatural? Probably not." Ara says to Pein. "It's about these two brothers who travel across America hunting monsters and saving people! I think at this point, they've unleashed the Darkness and basically fucked the human race, but I bet they'll find a way to save everyone. This is like, one of Dee's favorite shows!"

"Why am I not surprised." He rolls his eyes.

"Oh, and after this I need you to help me take my contacts out."

"You wear contacts?"

"Yea-oh! Shush! It's coming on!"

_"Previously on Supernatural..."_

* * *

I can't help but to groan as the show is interrupted by commercials.

"Oh! I saw my psychic today. You know what she said?" Ara kicks her feet a bit.

"Did she... tell you the secrets to obtaining a normal height?"

"You shut your face!" Ara squirts me with the water gun a few times before tossing it out of reach. "She said we were gonna unlock something deep within ourselves."

"Well, if that isn't vague and cryptic I don't know what is."

"It may be vague, but it's probably gonna turn out to be something really cool! It's gonna be so cool everyone's dicks will fly off their body!"

"Wow, that does sound pretty cool." I pause. "Hey, can I get a sucker?"

"I mean... I _guess._" Ara produces another sucker out her pocket and hands it to me. After a few seconds, she hands me a piece of paper. "I'm gonna need that stuff before you go to sleep."

**Ara's P.O.V**

After going through the literal hell it was to get my contacts out my eyes, I was glad to finally take off my pants and get into bed. _My bed. _The bed that Pein and Konan had taken over after the Akatsuki moved in.

"Hello, old friend. Did'ya miss me?" I sigh, patting the bed thoughtfully.

I take a quick look around the room as Pein leads me around, doing his pre-bed ritual. Konan was already in bed, reading something that seemed vaguely interesting. I note the pile of my stuff poking out the closet, as well as the various stains on the ceiling on floor. Boy do those stains have interesting stories.

"Hey, you guys kept my stars up!" I grin up at the glow in the dark stars decorating the ceiling.

Pein takes one look at me and raises his eyebrow. "What's wrong with your eye?"

"Ya know, I could ask you the same thing in a much more polite way." I pout. "I have heterochromia."

Indeed, I do. At some point in my childhood, I developed it. I lost my perfectly fine brown eye and instead had to deal with a light blue one. I've been told that it's uncomfortable to look at, but I never understood why. Maybe it's cause it's such an unnatural-looking color.

"It's total bullshit. None of my other sisters have it." I complain.

Dee comes in just then, holding all the stuff I wrote on the list I gave her. I cheer and hug her, saying my final good night.

"What would I do without you, Dee?"

"You'd probably die." She jokes.

"I mean, basically." I flick her nose. "G'night! You know what you should make tomorrow? Pancakes."

"You know what you should get tomorrow? Six more inches."

And with that, she escapes before I can come up with something else. I gasp, mock offended.

"She gave me both a short joke and a sex joke. I don't know whether to be offended or proud." I pause and turn to Pein and Konan. "How am I gonna top that?"

"You don't." Konan smirks.

"Damnit."

I _could _make a bunch of sex jokes related to how I'm sleeping with Pein and Konan, but I won't. I've matured and grown up, moved past such vulgar humor. I've been reformed, ready to be the next great leader of the new world.

...

But then again.

"I never expected to be having a threesome with two of my kidnappers."

"I will punch you." Pein glances up.

"Hey now, violence isn't _always _the answer."

After receiving no reply, I start sorting through the stuff Dee brought me as best I could with one hand. I had my trusty credit card as well as my not-as-trusty laptop. Tucked into my lap was my second best friend ever: Pig. He's a stuffed cat dressed like a rabbit! And lastly, I had my awesome DS as well as two or three games. All dating sims... Don't judge me.

"Aren't you a little old for dolls?" Konan commented.

"This isn't just a _doll. _This is Pig! He's my second best friend!" I gasp dramatically.

I ignore her chuckling and go online to order the solvent. Being glued to someone has the be the most inconvenient thing in the world!

* * *

**Well that was fun. **


	11. Lakeside Trip

I woke up the next morning, not only cold but also confused. Not only was I wearing pants, but I was no longer in my bed! I yawn and rub my eyes. I guess upon realizing I was awake, Pein saw no reason to carry me anymore. He essentially drops me, and I just let myself fall onto my butt.

"Alright, first of all." I raise a finger. "Why am I awake before the sun is up?" I raise another finger. "Secondly, where are we and _why _are we here?"

"I have business to attend to. So for once in your life, stay quiet."

"Ooooh, what kind of business? Are you gonna kill someone?" I question, finally standing up.

He leads the way through the woods, ignoring the bulk of my questions. He just kept on moving expertly through all this bullshit foliage.

"Does this business have anything to do with going back to your original universe?"

Of course he doesn't answer, but I'd appreciate it if he'd at least humor me! We keep on walking in silence, taking in the twittering birds and other nature-like noises.

"I guess you're not really a morning person, huh?"

I instinctively go for my phone, but realize that I didn't have it on me. Hell, I didn't even have pockets! I huff annoyedly and try to match my pace to Pein's. I hope we're close to our destination.

"Are we there yet?" I ask. "Probably not, huh? You sure are even more quiet than usual. What's on your mind, Leader-sama?"

"I'm tempted to just cut your hand off at this point." He answers nonchalantly.

"Awww, you know you love my company!" I tease. "What would you do without me randomly bursting into song or being generally adorable?"

"I'd be about 20 percent less stressed out."

Speaking of bursting randomly into song, I'd say it was about time for that! After sorting through my brain for a good song, I decide on something.

"As a child you would wait. And watch from far away." I make dramatic movements to mime whatever I sung. "But you always knew that you'd be the one that works while they all play... In youth you'd lay... awake at night and scheme. Of all the things that you would change, but it was just a dream!"

"Here we are... don't turn away now." I take larger strides to match my tune. "We are the warriors that built this town!" I raise my voice a bit and hop onto a fallen tree trunk. "Here we are, don't turn away now... We are the warriors that built this town! From dust~!"

"Well, that was dramatic. Six out of ten."

"Six out of ten!? That was at least an eight!"

"Your voice cracked during the chorus." He shrugged.

I quickly stop when we reach the edge of a lake, nearly falling as Pein tries to pull me forward. He sighs and cocks his eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

"I feel like we long since established that I don't possess the powers of ninjitsu."

He scoffs at this comment. "Regardless, I'll just run my chakra through you. That... should work."

"That doesn't sound very confident!"

"Just come on."

Pein steps out onto the water. I sigh and hesitantly follow him, more than relieved as I walked ontop of the water. We go out pretty far, the early morning wind making me shiver.

"So, who are you meeting with?"

"You, mostly."

I gasp excitedly. "You mean a _leader _meeting?

"No."

"I'm a leader, you're a leader! That means this is a _leader meeting_."

"Stop calling it that." He pinches the bridge of his nose.

"That means I'm officially a leader in your eyes!"

"Not at all."

"So, Leader-sama, why have you commenced this meeting of leaders?"

He rolls his eyes and smacks the back of the head. "I said stop. I, the leader am meeting with you, the not leader, about the mess you've made of the house."

"I wouldn't call it a mess. Messes are unplanned." I pause. "I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Why would I mess up my own house? It's not like I pay the bills and paid for everything that is currently being ruined by a mix of food, explosions, and blood stains."

"You shouldn't be so passive aggressive, it's rude."

"Anyways, why'd you bring me all the way out here for a leader meeting-"

"Not a leader meeting."

"-We could've used the basement, a.k.a the meeting area."

"You have a way of bringing distractions to yourself. I needed to keep anyone from interfering." Pein's eyes flicker dangerously. "I suspect you aren't as clueless as you let on."

"Haha, whaaat? What do you mean by that?"

"Really?"

I shift uncomfortably and casually check the watch I wasn't wearing. "It sure is getting early. We should get back before Dee realizes we're gone."

"You seem to know a lot of things you shouldn't. Ranks, ages, backstories... names."

_Fuck fuck fuck. _

"You make jokes about things you'd only know about if you were there... So tell me Arianna,"

_Oh god he's using full names._

"How do you know what you do, and how did you get that information?"

"W-Well you see... I'm a spy? I-I, uh, I work for... Konoha? Yeah, that's right."

There's a full minute of silence as I stutter my way through the world's shittiest lie. He cocks his eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

"You're a terrible liar."

And with that, I'm suddenly submerged in ice cold water. I flail about helplessly for a few moments before Pein pulls me up enough to let me breath.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" He questions.

"Y-Yeah! Okay! B-b-but I feel like me being a spy is going to be much more believable than the truth, I-I mean even I find it hard to believe."

"I've been turned into a cat and transported to another universe. I'm sure whatever you're going to say is about 50 times more believable than you being a spy."

"R-Right okay, uh. So you see... your entire universe is depicted in a fairly popular manga series that I'm a pretty big fan of, a-and so I, uh, I know _a lot _about you and the entire Akatsuki. Well, I know a lot about everyone, though some information is a little fuzzy. It's been awhile, hahaha. Do you think I can get o-out the lake now? I l-literally can't feel my toes."

"Do you _want _to drown?"

**Dee's P.O.V**

I was just sitting around, minding my own business. Preparing breakfast for when the rest of the Akatsuki decided to wake up.

That's when I felt it. This strange... _feeling. _I could feel it in my soul.

My Ara senses are tingling.

* * *

**And the truth comes pouring out...**

**JigokuShoujosRevenge: It's a good plan, it's more of a case that there's no one who can/will pull that off. Maybe the girls would get lucky and get two, maybe three members dead, but after that? Not much hope of getting all the members.**

**Realworld no Shinobi: Oh gee, thanks! :D**

**Thanks to everyone for leaving such positive reviews! I'm glad you all like this story so much :o**


	12. Leaders' Day Out

"I'm not _s-stalling, _I was just submerged in ice cold water. Another reason to hate Winter." Ara's shaky voice rings out from the hallway. "I literally can't feel my toes. Do you think I have hypothermia?"

"I doubt it."

"If I die, I want a burial at sea." She knocks on my door.

"Come in?" I call out, setting down my magazine.

Ara comes in, soaked thoroughly and violently shaking. She seemed more tired than usual, but that may have something to do with the fact that she was cold and wet. She had her arms(and I guess kind of Pein's arm) wrapped tightly around her.

"Dee? Hey Dee?"

"Hm?"

"Yeah... I told him. I need you to pull up some proof."

"...Is that why you're so wet."

I sigh and pull out my laptop, carefully watching the pair out of the corner of my eye. Pein was managing to look both uninterested and suspicious all that the same time, while Ara looked the most nervous I've ever seen here as well as exhausted.

"So... what exactly happened?" I ask as my computer boots up.

"Well, we w-went out to the forest on an adventure fueled by _lies, _and we went out onto the lake with his cool ninja powers. We had a moment, and then he tried to drown me in the lake."

"Oh. What tipped you off?" I look to Pein.

"Ara, mostly." He replies flatly, following my friend around as she did her best to change into dry clothing.

Jeez, just looking at them made me feel incredibly inconvenienced. All only able to use one hand, one of them being incredibly short compared to the other... the defeated look on Ara's face as she could only get her shirt 85 percent off.

"Leader-sama, I need you to do something for me before I die." She huffs.

He cocks his eyebrow, showing mild interest.

"I need you to slide this shirt up your arm, over your head, and then shimmy it down your body. I really like this shirt, Leader-sama."

Much to my surprise, he does it and has the courtesy to hang her wet shirt on the edge of my headboard. I snort and pull up an earlier episode of Naruto Shippuden somewhere during Hidan and Kakuzu's arc.

"And viola. Proof of your universe's existence as a show." I turn the screen to face them.

After an episode, Pein seemed both perturbed and disturbed. Ara turns towards him with a smug grin.

"Look at that, I told the truth. You should trust me more." She giggles.

Pein simply rolls his eyes and leads the way out the room.

"Oh wait!" I throw a shoe at Ara to get them to stop. She squeals in disapproval and pouts a bit. "The solvent came. It should take like... up to 15 minutes it says."

"Throw it to me!" Ara demanded excitedly.

"Are you actually going to catch it?"

"Yes! I'm like a pro!"

"...Okaaaaay." I toss the tube of solvent to her.

None to surprisingly, she did not catch it. It did, however, smack her in the face and fall to the ground. I can't help but laugh at her fail.

"Great catch." Pein comments.

"Shut your mouth." Ara snatches up the tube.

Pein pulls her out the room and she swiftly shuts the door. I can't help but roll my eyes a bit, but happily go back to my book. I also happen to listen in on their conversation as they fade away down the hall.

"Looks like you owe me an apology." Ara teases.

"Nah."

"_Leader-sama._"

"There's more important things to worry about."

"Like?"

"Your shoulder looks gross and infected."

"It probably is." Ara laughs. "I can't feel a thing though, so it's fine."

There's a lull in their conversation.

"Ow! Don't touch it!"

I hadn't realized her shoulder was still hurt... Guess I'll find her later and get to fixing it.

* * *

I was lounging around on the front porch, staring up at the setting sound surrounded by unusual silence. Usually our neighbors are pretty noisy with their social events, or even just their kids, but now there's not a peep to be heard. I glance back as I hear a familiar patter of feet coming towards me.

"Hey Ara." I move my arms out the way and let her sit in my lap.

"Hi Dee! Notice anything _different _about me?" She grins cutely, nonchalantly holding her hands up.

"Oh? Hmm... Did you do something with your hair? Or maybe..." I stroke my nonexistent beard and tilt my head to the side. "Did you get taller?"

"Not even close! Dee! Leader-sama has been freed from me!"

"Aww, but it was so much fun watching him suffer." I pout mockingly.

"I resent that." Pein comments, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

"Ignore him." Ara flicks her hand dismissively. "There's more important things to worry about."

"Did Tobi find your stash?" I smirk.

"Yes! He did! And because he pitied me so much, Leader-sama agreed to take us to the store!"

"Agreed is a bit of an overstatement."

"Don't mind him. He's just a bit grumpy because I accidentally fell down the stairs with him." Ara shrugs.

And with that, we took off for the store. We decided to stay local and just walk, mostly to save some money. Seeing as I already lost my job, and Ara is probably running out of vacation days. I wonder how we'll explain this to people if we ever manage to get rid of the Akatsuki? I bet we'd be all over the news.

Pein and I let Ara lead the way through various stores and shops. I couldn't help but notice that this "quick trip" for suckers turned into an entire shopping spree. For each new store we entered that wasn't a candy shop, she had an excuse prepared. "I need more fabric" she said. "What if I get injured again?" she pointed out.

At some point, she made an attempt to go into the pet store. I shut that down real quick, telling her that we don't have enough money or luck to get a new cat. The last thing we need is more magical cats from another universe. She was really pouty for a good while, but the promise of ice cream took her mind right off it.

Ara had long since disappeared into the crowd, but it was safe to assume she hadn't gone far. There weren't many shops in this area regardless, and she'd run out of money eventually. Pein and I decided to buy some ice cream and take a seat in the courtyard.

"Hey, so, now that you know about the whole "Your Worlds an Anime" thing, I'd like to share my theory with you." I announce. "Ara thinks it's stupid, but I mean, she also thinks her psychic can actually see the future."

"Alright, let me hear it."

"Okay, so, in the Anime, you all die, right?"

"...Apparently."

"I'm thinking that somehow our worlds are connected. Whether it's through some weird wormhole or a metaphorical bridge, you can only reach it through death. So like, when someone from your world dies, they can cross this bridge and come here, but in a weaker form." I pause to take a breath. "But clearly, this portal isn't always open because the entire Akatsuki came here at once. You all definitely didn't die at once, so I'm thinking that someone planned for this to happen! Ya know? What do you think?"

Pein doesn't say anything for awhile, glancing off into the distance for a few seconds. He sits back a bit.

"_All _of the Akatsuki died?" He finally says.

"Yeah." I nod. "According to Ara, the order was something like... Sasori, technically Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Itachi, then you... I guess... technically... Kisame, Konan, Tobi, and finally Zetsu... kinda?"

"What exactly do all those technically's and kinda's mean?"

"I dunno? That's just what Ara said." I flash a grin at him. "Looks like you'll have to check with your new best buddy for the details."

"You shut your mouth."

And then, my phone rings obnoxiously loud. I check it and see a text from Ara that read "HELP". Down the road, an explosion goes off and the crowd begins to scatter.

**20 Minutes Earlier, Ara's P.O.V**

I wander off into the crowd, looking for another fun store to catch my eyes. Operation: Friendship seemed to be going well. It's hard to tell, actually, seeing as Dee and Pein have never really talked before. Whatever. The operation is working just fine.

I was totally going to join back up with them, when something _amazing _caught my eye. It was all black and incredibly fluffy-looking, and it was just out here with all this garbage! It was what my heart desired most: _a god damn cat. _

I cautiously approached it, offering the cat treat the pet store gave me. I called to it, and even made that dumb clicking noises animals like. Eventually, the cat came to me. I felt like my heart was gonna explode from excitement... But I kept it cool. Wouldn't want to embarrass myself in front of my new cat.

Pretty soon, the cat allowed me to pet and pick it up. I hold it up in front of me, Simba-style.

"I think I'll name you... Glitter!" I bring him a bit closer. "When Dee sees you, she won't be able to resist your adorableness! She'll have to let you stay!"

Glitter meows in response.

"Alright Glitter, now I'm gonna have to put you in my sweater now. Pleeeaase don't scratch me up too bad. It's actually really comfy in here."

I tuck Glitter into my sweater and zip it up just enough to hold him in place. He pokes his head out a bit, meowing some more. I shush him and turn to go find my friends. However, I'm stopped by someone who's like twice my height and looked _so _inconvenienced by my existence. He flips his blonde hair out his face.

"Oh! My bad, I didn't see you there." I smile and move to go around him. "Excuse me, I'll just be-"

He grabs my shoulder and pushes me back a bit. I sigh and shove my hands in my pockets, noting the ninja headband wrapped around his arm. A Sound headband to be exact.

Great, more ninjas. Just what I needed today.

"You have something that belongs to me." He states.

"Oh? ...Oh! Is it this coupon book I found?" I pull it out and hold it up. "Sorry about that! I was taking it to the lost and found... probably."

"Not that _garbage, _you idiot. The cat."

"What cat?"

"The one in your sweater."

"What sweater?"

"_The one you're wearing._" He hisses.

I pause to look down at myself, trying to look as surprised as possible that I was wearing a sweater.

"Ohhh, that sweater! Funny story actually, haha, it's-" I throw the coupon book at his face as hard as I could. "EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT OFF AT PARTICIPATING LOCATIONS!" And I run the other way.

I hear him groan, accompanied by the familiar chink of someone grabbing a handful of shuriken. I wheeze as I take off down the alleyway, shocked when I'm not immediately impaled by basic ninja tools. I squeal and turn back around as two more Sound ninja land in front of me. I was running out of escape routes pretty fast. I duck behind a dumpster and pull out my phone, quickly sending a simple "HELP" to Dee.

"Oh man, I hope no one sets off any bombs! They're my biggest weakness!" I call out casually, crossing my arms over my chest(and kitty).

Not too long after making that statement, a kunai with a paper bomb tied to it lodges itself in the ground nearby. I dive out the way and start making some distance. The paper bomb goes off, sending me crashing into the nearest wall.

I groan and roll onto my knees. My ears ring obnoxiously loud as smoke fills the air, my vision blurring a bit as I try to spot an escape route. I needed to get to a bigger group of people. I spot an opening to my left and slowly rise to my feet. I stumble forward, but those speedy ninja cut me off again. I huff angrily and whirl around. I squeal and duck as a kunai whizzes past my head, mildly impressed that I managed to dodge that.

But now really wasn't the time to celebrate.

For some reason, I felt really weak. Did I forget to eat or something? ...No, I definitely ate. So why do I feel so... dizzy? Maybe it's the smoke? It must be... But then that wouldn't explain why my sweater suddenly felt very... warm... and sticky.

I pause, unsure of where I was planning to go. The entire world seems to tilt to the side and become more unfocused, my hearing kind of getting better. The ringing had almost stopped, but everything was incredibly muffled. This sure is weird... I hope my kitty's okay.

I suddenly collapse to my knees, another voice joining the clusterfuck of noises assaulting my ears. My vision dims and the noises begin to fade out. I was laying in some kind of liquid... which was kinda gross. I need to get up.

I need to find Dee.

I need to escape from the figure coming towards me.

I need to...

I need...

To sleep.

* * *

**Hey guys! Long time no update! Just wanted to take a moment here to thank you guys for the support, and I'm glad so many people are enjoying the story! So, thanks for all the favs! If you like what you see (or don't) feel free to leave a review! :D**

**See you all next time-!**


	13. Stubbornness

For awhile, everything was dark. And soon, I began fading in and out of consciousness. It was kind of weird, ya know? I can't feel a thing, and was just barely aware of everything happening. It all felt like some big messed up dream.

I kind of felt the same way after Pein tried to drown me. Like a _very _realistic dream.

I wake up who knows how long later. I seemed to be in my room-my original room where Pein and Konan now sleep. I groan as I'm immediately hit with a headache as my eyes focus.

"Don't sit up."

"Don't tell me how to live my life." I reply tiredly.

I roll onto my stomach and use my arms to push myself up. I almost immediately regret that decision as pain spreads across my back. I hiss and flop back down, waiting for the burning sensation to die down. When it finally does, I turn my head and grin.

"Hey Leader-sama! What time is it?" I ask curiously.

"7pm." He glances up from my phone.

"Oh... I should go help Dee with dinner. We still have pain killer, right?"

"What? No, you're staying right there. You need plenty of bed rest."

I groan loudly. "Leader-sama_, _I'm fine! I need to go adventure."

"You are the exact opposite of fine." He sets my phone down. "I just pulled 3 kunai, 6 shuriken, and one large piece of debris out of you. You've been unconscious for two days now and clearly don't realize how much blood you lost."

"Blood regenerates. Besides, if it's that much of a concern, don't all of you guys have healing powers or whatever?"

"Yes. We also have a limited amount of chakra in your world. I healed some of it, but Kakuzu had to stitch up the rest."

"Oh gross, you guys gave me stitches? Please tell me you at least used thread."

"If by thread, you mean Kakuzu's tendrils."

"Fucking christ." I roll my eyes. "But seriously, go get me some pain killers. I wanna get up and do stuff."

"But seriously, _no._"

"_Leader-sama_."

"I said no."

"_Pein._"

"..."

"Pleeeaase?"

He sighs and stands, throwing me a look. "Fine, I'll get you the pain killer. But you still have to stay in bed."

"Deal!"

"By the way, I put that cat in one of the cages. Does Dee know about that or?"

"Don't tell her! It's a surprise! For uh, her birthday."

He grunts in reply and leaves me be. I wait a few seconds to make sure he was actually gone before commencing Operation: Suck It Up! I will not lay here and do nothing just because my body refuses to cooperate!

It takes me a few minutes and some (a lot of) pain, but I managed to get to my feet. I stop to catch my breath, pausing when I see my reflection in the mirror. I hum curiously as I take in the many thick stitches decorating my back. As well as the bruising sprinkled around the rest of my body. I've decided I like the stitches. They make me look bad ass.

I carefully put on a shirt and make my way out the room. I mean sure, I'm limping and am in a lot of pain, but there's adventuring to be had! I'm sure my body's natural pain killing hormones will kick in any minute now... Probably not, but it's always good to remain positive! What's a little bruising?

**Dee's P.O.V **

I let out a little gasp as I spot Ara slowly creeping down the stairs, relying heavily on the railing to keep her stable. She waves excitedly, nearly tipping over in the process.

"Ara? What're you doing up?" I run over and help her finish her trek down the stairs.

"Oh, you know, usual Ara stuff." She shrugs.

"You can't be doing Ara stuff yet! You just woke up!" I scold. "How are you even walking right now!?"

"Because I got stabbed in the back and not the legs?"

I resist the urge to flick her upside the head. "Leader-sama said you had to rest, and I-for once-agree! You're really not missing out on anything."

"But Deeeeeeeeee, bed rest is so boring! And, I'm fine! Just look."

Ara pushes me away and takes a few steps on her own. She does jazz hands to further prove her point.

"Ara, come on. You're not fooling anyone, un." Deidara comments as he passes by. "Go lay back down before Leader-sama catches you, un."

Ara groans and limps away. "You guys suck! Don't you think I, of all people, would know if I was fine or not."

She receives a chorus of "no" from everyone in the surrounding area.

"All of you can suck my dick." Ara turns and leans against the wall as she makes a sad show of getting to the kitchen. "I'm as healthy as a horse!"

"If you were a horse, we would've killed you by now." Itachi rolls his eyes as he passes her. "Go lay back down."

"Don't tell me how to live my life."

Ara huffs angrily and leaves the safety of the wall. I trail behind her just in case, but she seemed... _capable _for the most part. A little. She still seemed pretty wobbily as she made herself a large bowl of cereal. She had gone silent with concentration as she picks up her bowl and makes her way to the table.

And she was doing quite well. Until (the fire nation attacked) Tobi appeared. He seemed so excited that Ara was up and moving around, that he forgot that she was still horribly injured. He called her name and heavily slapped her on the back.

Ara let out a shriek like none other and dropped her bowl of cereal on the floor. The bowl shattered on impact, making a huge mess of cereal and milk on the floor. Ara nearly dropped as well, but she caught herself on the counter.

I quickly run over to help steady her, minding the bits of glass on the floor.

"Tobi, why?" She gasps.

"Oh! Tobi forgot you had stitches. Tobi is very sorry!" Tobi clasps his hands together.

"No you're not. Oh my god, that hurt."

"Maybe this is a sign that you should go lay back down?" I sigh.

"No." She crosses her arms and pouts. "I'm fine."

"Kakuzu's gonna be pissed if you pop those stitches."

"Kakuzu literally kills people with his threads. I doubt a slap on the back and much needed exercise is going to pop my stitches."

I sigh and roll my eyes a bit. There's just no talking to her when she gets this stubborn, though I don't see why she's avoiding bed rest. It's not like she's missing anything that doesn't happen everyday. I smack her head as she goes to clean up the cereal she dropped.

"Leave it. I'll clean it up." I make shooing motions so she'd get the point.

She sighs dramatically, but leaves the mess. She instead opts for retrieving her markers and poster paper, and sitting at the table to make posters. She sprinkles some glitter on the page, then begins writing in big letters: "IKUSTAKA MEETING: MEMBERS ONLY".

I hum curiously and observe her writing for a bit. How odd.

"Ara, since when are you left handed?"

"Since always?"

I decide to drop it.

"I'm thinking of holding another Ikustaka meeting. What do you think we should do?"

"Tobi thinks we should do another Operation!" Tobi suddenly pulls out her idea book, which she seems none too happy about. "I especially liked Operation Smackdown!"

Ara pauses to stare off into the distance like in the office.

"You want everyone to change into bathing suits, get all greased up, and wrestle each other into submission?" She cocks her eyebrow.

Tobi doesn't reply. He checks her idea book, quickly flipping through the pages. He laughs a bit.

"I meant Operation Breakdown." Tobi corrects himself.

"Oh yeah, that one is pretty fun."

"Tobi! Don't encourage her!" I tsk. "She's injured and can't go around doing operations. She'll get hurt!"

"Bah!" Ara rises from her seat, abandoning her poster project. "Since when don't I get hurt? I've got these great thing called cells, they're real great at healing me! ...Oh, hey Leader-sama."

Ara turns and attempts to make a hasty retreat. Pein snatches her up and holds her bridal style, much to her dismay. I can't help but to cringe myself as she makes a variety of pained noises and flails to get away.

"Fucking christ, that hurts! Put me down!"

"You shouldn't have gotten up in the first place." Pein muttered. "Dee, start dinner."

Someone's feeling grumpy.


	14. Game Changer

**Ara's P.O.V**

You never realize how long a day is until you have to spend it in bed. Pein decided to relocate me to my own room, so I've been using Dee's bed(and she's using my hammock).

My only company these past few days have been my new found cat, Glitter... He doesn't do much. Honestly, he probably spends 80 percent of his time in my hammock or on Dee's bed. So far, he seems like a normal cat... Though I'm still afraid to test it.

While he slept, and while it seemed like no one planned to check on me for a bit, I decide the check out the full extent of my battle wounds. It really doesn't feel that bad, therefore it must not be that bad.

...

...

Wow, I am all kinds of bruised up. I look like an old banana that you find in the garbage. Jeez, those ninja really did a number on me. Whatever. A little bruising never hurt anyone.

Luckily, there was one good thing about being in a room alone all day: No one eats my suckers! I can't remember how they got in here, but I'm glad they somehow managed. Dee probably brought some in. In fact, I think I'll eat a sucker right now. Maybe three-

Oh my god, I'm all out. Now I have to go find my hidden main stash... Ugh, but if I get up and walk around all sorts of things could happen. Pein could find me and he'll probably scold me. Hidan might make a point to keep messing with my stitches(which don't hurt as much now, but still). Dee could freak out and force me to lay down. _Tobi could follow me and find my stash. _

All of those sound like terrible options.

Glitter suddenly mews and rubs his face against my leg.

"Are you actually trying to love me, or do you just want something?" I smile, kneeling down and scratching behind his ear.

He loves that shit.

Before I could figure out what Glitter wants, he sprints away into his usual hiding spot. The door swings open, and in comes Pein.

"Whatever happened to knocking?" I scoff, slowly rising. "What if I was naked, huh?"

He simply rolls his eyes and shuts the door. He doesn't say much else, but makes himself comfortable. Like most people, he begins flipping through my Ikustaka planning book. While I don't particularly appreciate when they do it, I've opted not to put anything too serious in there.

"Hey, uh, Leader-sama? Since you're in here, do you think you could do me a favor?"

He glances up.

"Can you go get me some more suckers out my stash? Please?" I do a little shimmy. "They're in the secret room behind the washing machine."

"Maybe. How about you do me a favor and tell the truth for once in your tiny life?"

"...Was that a fucking short joke?" I narrow my eyes.

"An unintentional one."

"...Hm. Anyways. What do you mean by that... previous statement." I raise my eyebrow.

"Upon our arrival, we noticed that all the inhabitants of this universe have a small amount of chakra. While we thought it was strange, we didn't have time to worry about it."

I settle back into my bean bag and listen curiously.

"It became clear that you had such little chakra because you never use it... However, a few weeks ago I noticed something strange in you and Dee. You girls had gained significantly more chakra, and there was no way that should've been possible... until I found some of your suckers lying around. Tell me, Ara, why have you been eating so many chakra infused suckers?"

"...I'm sorry, what?" I sit up a bit. "I've done no such thing."

"Really. You're going to lie to my face?"

"I'm not lying! I didn't even know you could put chakra in food, let alone absorb it into your body! ...I _knew _they tasted off. And Dee said I was crazy." I pout a bit. "But hey, look on the bright side. I'm like, one step closer to beating the Akatsuki!"

"Now's really not the time for jokes. We are having a serious conversation." He flicks my nose.

I groan. "Fine. I'll be serious... I think, that because I'm already this far in the hole, I should eat more chakra-infused suckers. Because I seriously need one."

"What? Are you addicted to chakra now?"

"Of course not, that'd be silly. I just feel all kinds of... _off _lately."

He scoffs and tosses my book of ideas aside. He then comes over and ruffles my hair, much to my annoyance.

"Unfortunately for you, the last thing I'm giving you is more of those suckers."

"What? Why!"

"My theory is that, when I healed you, it forced the chakra inside you to flow. Now that it's working as it's suppose to, you probably have too much and it's destroying you from the inside out." Pein pauses. "So... Have fun with that."

"What!? Wait, you come back over here!" I roll out my chair and stumble to my feet. "You can't just basically tell someone they're gonna die and just walk away!"

"I never said you were dying. I said the excess chakra in you is making you sick."

"Well, then, take some of it out!"

"That's... not how it works."

"I mean, basically! Leader-sama, we were stuck together for 2 days! We bonded! I'm basically the new Konan at this point." I narrow my eyes when he snorts at that. "We're practically best friends! And you know what best friends do? They remove the extra chakra from their weaker friend's body, so they can go have awesome adventures!"

"I think you're being a little dramatic."

"I can't help it, I get dramatic when I'm stressed, and I'm stressed when I don't have any suckers! I _need _something to chew on!"

"I'll get you a chew tow then. Now go back to sleep."

I cross my arms and pout for a few seconds. Suddenly, I stop him just as he's about to close the door.

"Leader-sama, wait!"

He pokes his head back into the room.

"I'm pregnant, and..." I pause and gasp dramatically. "I think it's yours."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! And the only way to save the kids... it's twins, by the way... And the only way to save the kids is to feed me suckers!"

"Wow."

"Mmhmm, it's a very serious and rare pregnancy condition."

"..." Pein, officially curious to see where this goes, takes a seat on a stool. "A serious condition, huh? What's it called?"

"I don't know." I step forward so I'd be right in front of him. "I just know it's super serious and deadly. I'll like, explode, if you don't cure it..."

"..."

"Oh! The babies are kicking! See, feel it!" I more or less force him to put his hand on my belly.

A few seconds pass. Suddenly, instead of the kick of a baby or two, my stomach growls obnoxiously loud.

"...An alternate cure to my rare pregnancy disease is fast food. Preferably Mcdonalds." I add.

Pein chuckles (aw yes, I got him to laugh!), and stands up. He scoops me up under his arm and goes out through the backyard. I cheer triumphantly as he sets me down by the car and gets into the passenger seat.

Maybe slowly not-dying-but-probably-actually-is-dying isn't too bad after all.

**Months Later... **

"You know, now that Dee and I have fully functional chakra, you guys should teach us how to be ninja." I announce.

"That's some pretty twisted logic." Pein pops one of _my _suckers into his mouth.

I huff. "Why're _you _eating my suckers too?"

"Chakra regeneration takes forever in this world."

I groan and decide to leave him be. He wasn't being very interesting today, so there was no point in messing with him. Life has been oddly threat-free lately. The Akatsuki are no longer hostile towards us. Other ninja haven't attacked us. Everything is going well.

Actually, the house was surprisingly empty today. I guess Pein has been getting the Akatsuki back in action by making them do missions. Which is great, because now they weren't destroying my yard with their training. I think I might clean out my shed today too!

_CRASH. _

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

As unfamiliar voices begin to fill the lower floor, I hid behind a corner. I peek out a bit over the balcony to see what the hell was going on.

Ninja had infiltrated my house, but they didn't seem to be Sound ninja? I couldn't make out their headbands from here, but they definitely weren't from Sound. They're dressed much differently.

However, I didn't care much for that at the moment. All I cared about was the sword being pointed at my best friend. I lunge forward and go to hop over the banister.

"De-"

Suddenly, I'm snatched back. A hand wraps around my mouth and I'm quickly shushed. Out of the corner of my eye, I recognize Pein. I grab onto the wall and try to pull away.

As I'm dealing with Pein, I can only freeze with horror as Dee is struck down by the ninja. He successfully pulls me away. I squeal softly as a blue light begins to shine.

_No... _

_NO! _

* * *

I suddenly find myself back near the banister as ninja are filing into my home. I look around, confused. While I'm only 50 percent sure of what just happened, there's no time. I glance back and see Pein lurking around the corner.

I leap off the banister, tucking and rolling when I hit the floor below. Despite the fact that that kind of hurt, I keep moving. I snatch up a stray sword laying around from one of Sasori's puppets and jump into action. I place myself in front of Dee and block the incoming sword swing. The clang of metal makes my ears ring, and I find myself face to face with a Leaf ninja.

"Well, that worked." I laugh a bit.

"Ara, what're you doing?" Dee hisses.

"Uhh, sword fighting." I block another swing. "Maybe a little panicking?"

My sword fight was going surprisingly well. I've only been sliced like... once? Maybe twice.

I guide the Leaf ninja away from Dee, slashing wildly in an attempt to at least do some damage. The Leaf ninja was not impressed with my skills, to say the least. He kicks me in the stomach and into the nearest wall. My weapon goes flying from my hand, and I await my impending death.

Said death is postponed, however, when my former cat comes to my rescue! The Leaf ninja collapses and makes some kind of dying noise. Lodged into his back were quite a few kunai. I cheer a bit, but my celebration is cut short as Pein narrows his eyes.

"Wow, you sure do look mad." I grin nervously.

"What were you thinking, idiot? You could've been killed." He snaps.

"Dee needed saving!" I quickly stand. "Why does it matter anyways? Would you _miss _me?"

He simply grunts and goes to deal with the rest of the ninja. I get glimpses of a few Akatsuki members dashing around my house(notably Tobi and Itachi). While I did appreciate their help, I was very annoyed by the fact that they were destroying my house. I quickly scuttle over to Dee to check on how she's doing.

"Dee! Are you hurt?"

"N-No! What about you?" She grabs my face and does a search.

"I'm better than expected." I sigh and move her hands. "Why is it that the one time I want the Akatsuki here, they're all gone? Just look at all our shit!"

"Yeah... Those ninja's really fucked shit up." Dee murmurs.

The Akatsuki took care of our Leaf problem surprisingly quickly. They ended up keeping a few alive, I guess to interrogate them or something? I hope they do it outside.

* * *

I hook my arm around Dee's and drag her off to what had been deemed as the Akatsuki's meeting area. I could usually find a few choice members lurking around here, especially Pein. It's probably the only place he can get some peace and quiet.

"Leader-sama!" I yell out, alerting everyone in the room to my presence. "I'm demanding a commencement of a Leader Meeting!"

"Leader-chan has deemed it essential for the success of both our organizations if we had this meeting right here and right now." Dee adds in helpfully.

Pein rolls his eyes and sets down his coffee on the coffee table, "What do you want?"

"Well first of all, I want you to use a damn coaster." I huff annoyedly as I retrieve a coaster and slide it under his mug. "Secondly, Dee and I wanna be trained as ninjas!"

"No. Meeting dismissed."

"Meeting undismissed!" I shriek. I pause and lower my voice to an acceptable level. "This is a very serious concern! I even had Dee come up with some persuasive points!"

"Yes, such as..." Dee flips through some notecards. "With the recent attacks launched on us, we'd be better off learning to protect ourselves."

"Oh! And, we already have chakra sooo..."

"You have chakra because you keep eating those fucking suckers. Where are you even getting them from?" Pein retorts.

"They just kinda appear, and I accept that." I shrug.

Dee pulls out a stack of papers stapled together and holds them out to Pein with a bright grin.

"I also took the liberty of writing a comprehensive essay detailing our persuasive points more specifically!" She says as she practically forces the essay into his hands. "I worked hard on it, so read it."

Pein sighs and looks off to the side.

"What if I said I'd think about it?" He deadpans.

"We'd accept that as an ans-" I cut myself off as I spot Tobi in the corner of my eye, holding something bright. "Is that a fucking sucker? Tobi, stop eating my stuff!"

* * *

After about a week of pestering, whining, and essay writing... Pein finally had an answer for us. He calls a meeting that everyone can attend, and looked even more inconvenienced than usual.

"After deep consideration and... what seems to be a bribe." He holds up a handful of suckers. "I've decided that I will allow Dee and Ara to train alongside us and become... something like Kunoichi."

Cue cheering from Dee and I, as well as some polite clapping from a few Akatsuki members. Tobi suddenly picks me up and spins me around, forcing me to make a bunch of screeching noises.

"As well as receiving general training from all of us, they will also have a personal trainer of sorts. They make pick any member they want, and I would prefer minimal complaints about it."

"So, who are _you _gonna pick, Dee-chan?" Tobi sets me down and focuses his attention on my friend for once. "I definitely wouldn't mind if either _or even both _of you picked me to be your sensei! We would have so much fun, and you'd become so incredibly powerful and-"

Dee crosses her arms, "Actually, I was going to pick Sasori."

Tobi looks absolutely devastated. He looked like... like she just kicked his puppy and threw mud in his face.

"But why?" Tobi whines.

"I wanna learn how to do the puppet stuff. It looks cool!" Dee explains.

"It's not that cool, I swear." Sasori groans.

"You're just saying that!"

"Leader-sama, you can't be serious."

"Try being less cool." Pein shrugs. "But for now, you'll be Dee's personal sensei."

"What about you, Ara-chan?" Tobi grabs my shoulders and begins to shake me. "You don't have anyone in mind yet, right?"

I flail with confusion, almost immediately becoming dizzy. My voice raises about three octaves as I answer.

"I've had months to think about it, so I know exactly who I want!"

"Who?"

I push Tobi off and try to re-situate myself. "Leader-sama."

"_Why_?" Both Pein and Tobi question, each sounding equally disappointed.

"Cause he's the leader." I shrug. "Go big or go home."

"Pick someone else." Pein demands.

"You said we could pick anyone! I pick you!"

"No."

"What ever happened to minimal complaints?!"

"I'm the leader, that doesn't apply to me. Pick someone else."

"As fellow leader, I say it does apply to you!"

"Nope."

"I'm vetoing you! You're my teacher now, and you're just gonna have to deal with that!"


	15. Log Date

** Lil Scarlet - Sooner than you think :D **

**JigokuShoujosRevenge - Relatively, yeah o3o**

* * *

**Dee's P.O.V **

For one reason or another, Ara decided to set up a room for herself. She essentially moved out, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's pretty suspicious... I'll have to investigate. Eventually.

However, at the moment I have something much more urgent to deal with! And it's Sasori. I'm quite sure he's trying to murder me for forcing him into being my teacher. It's not _my _fault he's the only puppet master here!

But then again, maybe this is just standard ninja training? Throwing sharp objects at me, trying to fight me... Maybe I should review some of Naruto so I know what to expect.

"You see this target, brat?" He gestures to said target, which was crudely painted and crooked. "I want you to throw those kunai at it. And better yet? I want you to throw them at the center."

"Alright! Piece of cake!" I grin confidently as I ready a kunai.

I cock my arm back and throw the weapon as hard as I can. It bounces off the edge and goes flying across the room. I cross my arms and sigh.

"I gave you one job." Sasori rolled his eyes as he walked over. "Your form and technique are all wrong."

"I didn't think it was _that _bad."

"Absolutely terrible." He shook his head. "Pick up another one."

And with that, he started positioning me in a way he deemed acceptable. I guess that's one way to teach someone.

* * *

**Ara's P.O.V **

"We're running low on cat food. Do you think Dee would notice if I bought more cat food?" I ask, adjusting the helmet on my head.

"Concentrate." Pein replies back with an annoyed sigh. "As funny as it is to watch you fall on your head, this is getting tedious."

"Oh, _I'm sorry. _Did you hear that chakra? Pein finds this tedious!"

"Don't call me that."

"You know what I find tedious? My concussion."

I turn and run at the wall again. I do my best to focus chakra into my feet as I firmly place one foot onto the wall. I glance up at the bell that was about 20 feet up, which he honestly expected me to reach. I confidently raise my other foot to place it on the wall, but immediately find myself falling backwards. I hit the ground head first and flop onto the ground. Pein chuckles a bit.

"I guess it's still a little funny." He clears his throat. "Again."

Now, in most situations I would've totally complained and thrown a sassy comment his way. But, we have a bit of a deal going. If I don't complain at all about training this week, Pein has to remain my teacher! Which is easier said than done, because he's purposely making everything hard to do! He gave a pretty vague description for how to run up the wall, but could I complain? Nope. I mean shit, we've been going at this for hours now!

I roll back onto my feet and jog back to the starting point. "You never answered my question."

"Dee would definitely notice if you bought more cat food." Pein crosses his arms. "Why don't you just tell her about the cat?"

"Because she'll think it's another magical cat! And she'll make me get rid of my dear Glitter, and then I'd be sad!"

"Solution: Kill the cat."

"THAT'S NOT A SOLUTION!"

I run at the wall and charge up my chakra. I get one foot on the wall, then the other, _and I don't fall back. _I manage to take one more step, and I just get so excited that I lose all focus. I go crashing to the floor again, but I don't even care.

"Leader-sama, did you see that!?" I yell, jumping to my feet.

"Nope." He shrugs.

"Yes you did, you fucking liar! I walked on a fucking wall, that was so amazing! That was so fucking bomb, I don't need any other skill!" I shriek and go running out the room. "I gotta go tell Dee! I'm gonna show her how cool I am now!"

"We're not done."

"I'm gonna come back as soon as I rub this in her face!"

* * *

**Elsewhere, Kabuto's P.O.V**

"Log Date: October 23rd, 20XX. Everything was going according to plan. The girls seem to have gained the trust of the Akatsuki, and are learning to use their new found chakra. I was actually quite concerned with whether their bodies would reject it or not, much like other experiments did. But it worked out, so there's nothing to worry about. Soon they should have access to powers beyond their imagination."

"Observing them is always quite interesting, but I've been unable to do it myself less and less. As of late, one of Arianna's associates have aligned themselves with a few scattered Leaf ninja. I fear they suspect what is going on. They recently launched an attack on the new Akatsuki base, but little to no damage was done. Arianna may be aware of one of her powers."

"I will inquire more into that possibility. Note to self: Send out some Shinobi to investigate Arianna's associate."

"Ah. Jonas managed to recruit one of his friends onto our side. I'm unsure of what motivates him to continue working with us, as it's become obvious we have no intention of "rescuing" Arianna and Debbie. I know he's not as idiotic as... certain participants in this venture. But I believe the name of his friend is Jay. They've begun to train alongside other Sound ninja, though they're not picking it up as quickly as I hoped."

-/-/-/-

"Log Date: November 1st, 20XX. I have decided to give each group of test subjects a team name so that future listeners will be able to differentiate between them. Arianna and Debbie will be known as Team Kitten, and Jay and Jonas will be known as Team Puppy. Things are still continuing on the correct path. No one suspects out involvement with Team Kitten, and Team Puppy's training is going extremely well. Actually, everyone's training is going well. They all have seemed to master the basics."

"It seems that the associate who joined forces with Leaf is also a friend of Jonas, a woman named Daisy. I am unsure of her plans, but she hasn't been much of a problem for me. More importantly, I have been able to confirm that Arianna is aware of her powers. She's begun to wear a red ring on her middle finger, much like her future counterpart."

"It's almost scary with how well things are going."

-/-/-/-

"Log Date: November 6th, 20XX. A few months ago, I was alerted to another cat that had made it's way into this universe. I swiftly made arrangements for it to be captured before anyone else could find it. The ninja I sent to retrieve reported that they not only severely injured Arianna, but killed the cat in the process. I didn't mind the dead cat, but they were reprimanded for injuring the test subject... again. I swear, that girl just can't stay out of trouble."

"However, come to find out, the cat was not killed. The cat instead ended up with the last person it should ever be near."

"To put things simply. Everything's gone to shit."

* * *

**Guess what guys? You might just get _two _updates this month.**


	16. The Shed

"Shit, shit, shit, _no_." Ara patters around the house, checking every nook and cranny for her little black ball of fluff. The various other members of the house watched her with vague interest. "Glitter? Glitter please. I thought you liked living in my room."

"So that's what you named him." Dee grumbles, holding said cat by the scruff of his neck.

Ara visibly freezes, staring hopelessly off into space. She leaps to her feet and feigns excitement.

"Surprise! Isn't this a great birthday present?" She grins as she flaps her arms. "I mean, just look at how cute he is!"

Dee sighs. She turns and walks calmly to the kitchen, setting Glitter in the sink. Before she can turn on the faucet, Ara quickly jumps on her back as an attempt to distract her.

"Dee, come on! You know how much cats hate water!" She laughs nervously.

"We have to check." Dee replies evenly.

"Says who? We can just continue accepting that Glitter is a regular old cat and move on with life."

"Where did you find this cat?"

"...Remember that day I almost died?"

"All the more reason for us to not keep it."

"It could just be a coincidence!" Ara flails some more. "Dee, please! Just let me have this!" She looks around the room frantically. "Leader-sama, do something! She's trying to get rid of my cat!"

"...She has a point." Pein barely spares her a glance.

"LEADER-SAMA!"

"Tell you what. If the cat proves itself to be an enemy Shinobi, we'll kill it. If not, you can keep it."

Ara groans and slides off of Dee's back. She stands to the side, dancing in place as she awaited the results. Dee snorts and switches on the cold water. There's a poof as well a defeated shriek from Ara. As the smoke clears, the three of them are stunned by the appearance of yet another Uchiha.

"God _DAMNIT_." Ara throws her hands up and flops into a seat to pout.

"This is unexpected." Pein cocks his eyebrow.

Dee sighs and facepalms. "Should've just killed the cat."

Madara narrows his eyes and scans the room. He removes himself from the sink, fairly pissed. He'd been a cat for months, and the way out of it was as simple as hot water? Bullshit.

"Good morning, Madara." Pein nods his head, then takes a sip of his coffee. "Ara, go get Glitter something to wear."

Pein smirks a bit as Madara glares at him. Dee pours herself a cup of coffee and sits at the table across from Pein, while Madara just leans against the counter. Dee takes a deep breath.

"Leader-sama, this is a load of bullshit." Dee huffs. "Now I have to cook even _more _food for you assholes."

"_That's _your concern?" Pein cracks a small grin.

"That, and the fact that Ara's probably mad at me. I need you to go console her."

"Why do I have to console her?"

"You're the leader. Besides, who else is gonna do it? Tobi?"

"...What about Madara?"

"Listen, you guys have been here for almost a year now. I know how to deal with an Uchiha." Dee rolls her eyes.

Pein sighs dramatically, but takes his coffee and goes to seek out Ara. She was taking forever with those clothes anyways. Dee was making a point not to look in Madara's general direction as he stood there casually in all his naked glory.

"Has anyone ever told you how amazing you hair is?" Dee grins.

"Yes. I know my hair is quite amazing. Moving on..." Madara crosses his arms.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you two girls still alive?"

"Because we're adorable and funny?" Dee shrugs.

She stands up and leans her head out the doorway. She takes a deep breath, then screams Tobi's name as loud as she can. Soon, the heavy patter of feet steadily becomes louder as the man-child bounds across the house. He nearly tackles Dee down when he skids to the stop in the kitchen.

"What is it, Dee-chan?" Tobi bounces on the balls of his feet excitedly.

Dee gestures dramatically to Madara.

Tobi gasps and splays his arms, nearly smacking Dee in the face. "Madara-chan! You're here!" He pauses, turning away. "And you're _naked_! How lewd!"

"Shut the fuck up, Tobi." Madara facepalms.

"You can't just walk around naked with all these girls around! What if Ara-chan sees you? It's pervy and unsanitary and-" Tobi squeals and looks like he's about to faint. "Wait, where did you come from?"

"I was Ara's cat."

"...Ohhhhh."

* * *

Ara had originally begun her search for clothes that would fit Madara, but soon found herself overwhelmed. She stuck a sucker in her mouth and laid on the floor on top of a pile of clothes, curled up with her stuffed animal, Pig. She lets out a shuddery sigh and stares blankly off into the distance. Pein enters her room and eyes her for a few seconds. He sets his coffee down and squats down in front of her.

"I hope you aren't this upset over a magical cat." Pein nudges her gently. "I can just get you a new cat if it's that serious."

"Ish no' da ca'h." Ara mumbles.

Pein plucks the sucker out her mouth. "Then what's wrong?"

"...Nothing."

"You're still a shit liar. Come on, you've been acting weird all week." Pein comments, getting into a more comfortable position. He could tell he'd be "consoling" her for awhile now.

"Why do you care? It's got nothing to do with leadering, so it shouldn't concern you." Ara rolls over so her back was to him.

"As your sensei, I've discovered that it's already pretty hard to teach you. It's even harder to teach you when you're upset and unfocused." He explains, as if it was obvious. "So, to maintain your learning curve, it's best to keep you in a good mood. _So, _what's the problem?"

Ara didn't say anything for a good long while. Pein opted for playing on her phone until she was ready to answer, glad to be able avoid dealing with Madara until further notice. Ara eventually rolled back over and held up her hand, showing off the bright red ring on her middle finger.

"Does this ring mean anything to you?" She says softly.

Pein eyes her curiously, caught off guard by the frailty in her voice. He softens his voice and sets her phone down.

"No. Should it?"

Ara sighs even louder this time and drops her hand heavily. "Depends."

Ara is quiet for a few more minutes, looking about 10 times more tired than usual. Pein prods her with his finger a few times.

"I have a Doujutsu. Or something like it." She announces. "Don't look so shocked, just hear me out. I noticed a few months ago that this power existed. My, uh... 'Space-Time Powers'. I personally can only use the Space powers with any kind of skill, but there's other versions of me that can use both. That sounded weird, didn't it? But, um... My time Space powers give me access to other universes... or... something like that. I don't... completely understand it..." Ara hums tiredly. "Regardless, I can switch universes... but I only do it in emergencies. Those... emergencies... are usually death. In the past month, not only have I died about 3 times... but Dee and the rest of you assholes have died at least once each! That's pretty fucking exhausting... mentally... anyways..."

Ara trails off and stares sadly at Pein. She looks as if she's going to cry for a split second, but the feeling passes. She rolls her eyes.

"You don't believe me." She states.

"It's a bit... far-fetched." Pein nods a bit.

Ara slowly sits up and bites her lip. She tucks her stuffed animal into her shirt and gets to her feet. She crosses her arms, her mood quickly changing to mildly frustrated.

"Follow me." She states blankly.

Pein raises his eyebrow, but does as she says regardless. He was wondering where this would go. Ara takes him to the opposite corner of the yard, where she had a few of the members build her a new shed. She was sure to equip this one with locks only she had the keys to.

"Ara." Pein taps her head. "What are you doing? Is this more Ikustaka nonsense?"

She laughs abruptly loud for a few seconds, before just as abruptly stopping. "I wish."

Ara fiddles with the lock and pulls the door open. She flicks on the light.

As light floods the small shed, Pein notices the figure slouched in the corner. Soon after, a strong smell of death fills his nostrils. He approaches the figure, not entirely sure what to expect. Ara lets out a hollow laugh, keeping her distance from the body.

"Do you know what I had to do last week, Pein?"

He decided not to comment on her calling him by his name. The body had dark skin and multiple gashes in her chest. Her different colored eyes stared blankly into the void, her skin decorated with old bruises and scars. Her clothing was blood stained and she had flies crawling all over her. Notably, her clothing seemed less modern and more like something you'd find in the Naruto universe.

"Last week, I had to kill myself." Ara pauses as her voice cracks. "Um... she just kind of... appeared. She tried to kill me, but as you can see... I mean... she was already in bad shape when she showed up. I-Is... Is this enough proof?" She wraps her arms around herself. "A-And you know what fucks me up the most? This is Omega Ara - Variant 1."

"..."

"A-And you know what I am? Omega Ara - Variant 2. I-I know this version of you doesn't know what that means but... it basically means that that dead Ara over there could be me some day. I mean, honestly, that probably is future me..."

Ara continues to mumble hopelessly to herself about Variants and alternate versions of herself, blatantly unaware of the tears streaming down her face. Pein sighs quietly and eyes Ara as her tries to think of a way to deal with her crying. He tried to think back to how Ara comforted Dee, and attempted to mimic that.

Ara lets out a squeak as she feels a pair of arms wrap themselves around her. Pein awkwardly pats her head.

"Listen. There's no way that's you. She doesn't look stupid enough." He deadpans.

Ara tilts her head up and puffs her cheeks out. "_I'm _the stupid one?"

"Well, yes." Pein releases her and opts for holding her wrist as he subtly leads her out the shed. "Your clothing is impractical, you always wear the brightest colors available, your hair is ridiculously colored-"

Ara cracks a small. "Your hair is _orange!_"

He pauses, as if he was seriously considering that fact. "And you know what? I think Variant 1 is taller than you."

Ara gasps, her attention taken away from the dead body in her shed. "How dare you! I'm quite sure you need glasses, because she is not taller than me!"

"But everyone's taller than you."

"Your face is taller."

* * *

Dee and Ara stand before each other in the front yard, a place no one ever really ventured. But this evening was special. This evening, the Akatsuki decided to do a brief check-in on where each girl was with her training. Tobi excitedly watched from the roof of the car, Madara boredly watching next to him. Deidara, Kakuzu, Sasori, Pein, and Konan had brought out chairs to watch from a safe distance. Zetsu had settled on the porch with Kisame and Itachi, watching from an even safer distance. Hidan gave no fucks, and wanted to see how badly these two failed from a close distance.

"So... You wanna go first?" Ara grins up at Dee.

"Nah." Dee shakes her head.

"Well, you're gonna."

Dee sticks out her tongue. "Guess I'll do something so amazing you could never top it."

"Pft, you're not gonna be ready for what I'm bringing to the table."

"Oh yeah? Enough for leftovers?"

"So many leftovers it'll go to waste."

The two girls laugh, getting weird looks from various members. Ara stands near Hidan as Dee takes "center stage". She starts making a few hand symbols, hesitating a bit.

"Okay, so... I called this one All-You-Can-Eat!" Dee announces.

Dee raises her hand as 3 or 4 balls of wind come into existence. Ara makes a bunch of "oooh" sounds as she waits to see what happens next, strategically placing herself behind Hidan.

"This doesn't seem all that impressive." Pein throws shade at Sasori.

"Just wait for it." Sasori rolls his eyes.

Dee flings one of the balls of wind at a nearby tree. Upon contact, it saws a hole into the trunk and burrows itself inside. The tree then implodes on itself before blasting out it's remains and spreading them across the front yard. Ara squeals excitedly, despite the fact that she was one Hidan away from being impaled by tree debris.

"Dee, that was great! Totally worth the death of a perfectly good tree!" Ara does a celebratory spin.

Sasori smirks a bit at Pein. "I'd honestly love to see Ara beat that considering her shit chakra control."

"It's not that bad," Pein scoffs.

"She still can't stand on a wall for more than 3 seconds."

"That's unrelated."

"Alright, everyone shut their dicks!" Ara yells, running to the center of the yard. "This is gonna blow your fucking minds! Get ready to be amazed!"

Ara only has to do a single hand symbol before proudly announcing the name of her jutsu. "HUNIE POP BANG!"

"_Oh no._" Dee whispers.

There's a large puff of smoke and giggles begin to emit from the source. As the smoke clears, a group of female Akatsuki members coming into view. They all wore either a bikini or nothing at all. There was even a female Zetsu in this mess of a jutsu.

In the middle of the orgy of embarrassment Ara had brought into the world was a female Pein with long pigtails flowing in the non-existent wind. It's made very obvious that that one's Ara as she falls to her knees and begins dying of laughter at the sight of everyone's expressions. Tobi let out a nearly inhumane noise and covered his mask-hole dramatically as Madara chokes on his drink. Hidan was oddly turned on, but equally horrified by the female version of Kakuzu. Kisame himself couldn't stop laughing, clutching his stomach as the female versions of Akatsuki members pranced and rolled around in a way that Ara assumed was sexy, but wasn't all that sexy. Itachi and Pein could only facepalm, while Sasori chuckled softly. Deidara and Konan were both very unhappy with their sexy counterparts, Konan gesturing wildly at the clone with oversized boobs and who wouldn't _stop fucking moaning. _

"Why is this me!? Why was I even included!? I'm already a girl!" Konan stares in shock.

"...Why doesn't mine look all that different, un?" Deidara narrows his eyes. "Ara, you are _dead, _un."

Zetsu just as quickly noped the fuck out of there, unwilling to deal with this bull fuckery. Pein swiftly walked over to the female version of himself and stepped on her head, forcing her head to the ground.

"Ara, it's almost like you _want _me to throw your phone off the roof." Pein glares at her.

"Haha! Ow! Come on, it's just a joke! Leader-sama, come on!" Ara continues to laugh.

"This is what you spent two weeks learning? You're never doing independent training again. Geez, you're like a fucking child."

"You're just mad at how sexy you are as a girl-AH! Stop stepping on me!"

"End the jutsu."

"I thought we were friends now! You can't just go around stepping on me!"

"End it."

And end it she does.

"I feel like we should've expected something like this." Sasori comments.

* * *

**Well, that was fun to write.**


End file.
